Why not? Well, there is always a reason (usually many) why that one thing cannot wait and has to be done tonight, before we go home. Home to a cold dinner. Home to sleeping kids. Home to a wife too used to the routine to say anything about it any more. Home only to unwind by watching the late night news or some other thing on TV while we multitask and prepare for yet another day. Another day of hard work to make a living but hardly living life.
In a blog post by prolific author Ron Ashkenas, titled Should You Stay Late or Go Home, he argues that if you really love what you do and your family is 'understanding' then it's ok to work late. That may be comforting for some. But not for the overwhelming majority of the men whose comments I read. Most of these comments were from dads who said they wished they could come home at a more reasonable hour to be more with their families. And yet, many felt they could not afford it, specially in a down economy.
Larry Wimmer, my Econ 101 professor, taught me that there are only three have-to's in life, three things we absolutely have to do, and that for everything else, there was always a choice. Always. What are those three things?
- We have to die. No escaping that one!
- We have to make choices. Even not choosing is a choice! And...
- We have to live with the consequences of those choices.
The real question is not whether we can or cannot afford to work longer hours. It's whether we can afford to live with the consequences.
My wife has a print in our bedroom that reads "In the end, it won't matter how big a house you had or how much money you made or what kind of car you drove, but whether you made a difference in the life of a child."
Let's choose to make a difference!
I have a firm testimony that the Lord will bless us in our careers if we are putting forth the effort and work at our most important and greatest callings...that of a husband and father.
ReplyDeleteAmen brother! We may say life isn't that simple, and that may be right. But it doesn't need to be complicated either. Even that is a choice. It may be just my experience, but, it seems that the more I aspire to the honors of men, the more my heart is set upon the things of this world, the more my focus is on having things or doing things, rather than becoming, the more life seems complicated and those simple choices of "should I stay or should I go" are more difficult to make AND to live with. Not to say that staying is a wrong choice at all, but that making the choice to stay (or to go) is much clearer and easy to make when living a simpler life.
ReplyDeleteAll are good comments. I firmly believe that if we do our very best when we are working- when it comes time to downsizing - management will not look at the length of time spent at work as the primary factor. And perhaps consider giving two nights a week - Tuesday and Thursday - that your employer and colleagues always know you are there. That leaves Family Night, youth night, and date night open. Very important nights!
ReplyDeleteComment from Newel through the LDS Professionals LinkedIn Group:
ReplyDeleteI read this article in the Ensign a few years ago that answers the question very well.
http://lds.org/ensign/2002/06/putting-family-first?lang=eng
Comment from Emily through the LDS Professionals LinkedIn Group:
ReplyDeleteI'm not a father (obviously) but I am a single mom without a father in the picture at all, so this is an issue which plagues me. I recently had to accept a job well out of reasonable range of my home, requiring me to spend 3 hours per day on the road, in addition to the hours I put in at work. And almost every day, there is a pile of things I "should" do before I go home. Often, those decisions for me have to be made not based on my knowledge that my child needs me at home, or my very intense desire to be there with him, but on my knowledge that if I wish to remain employed, and to continue being able to feed my child, I will stay at work and do what needs doing. It is my most desperate prayer that I will somehow find, like that fellow did, a way of supporting my family while working from home, so that my son will NOT be raised by the public school system, but instead by a loving mother who can teach him things that are important on a temporal AND a celestial level.
Comment from David through the LDS Professionals LinkedIn Group:
ReplyDeleteI can not count the number of men and women that I have heard comment about their extra time away from family. Most have regretted the lost time building associations. It's my experience that jobs will always have things to keep me working. A very wise person shared with me that being efficient within a time frame will deliver better results for the company and better healthy relations with the family.
Comment from Glenn through the LDS Professionals LinkedIn Group:
ReplyDeleteI once held jobs that demanded long hours (as much as 16 hours both at the office and on-call) and the stress of not being able to spend time with my family just added to my stress. However, the understanding, love and support they gave me helped me through those "difficult" times. They understood I wasnt gone because I wanted to play, enjoy or do something else. This also strengthened my desire to do my best to qualify for a job that didnt demand so much and it really was a blessing to finally get one that was exactly that and close to home too.
There is no question in my mind however about going straight home after an excruciatingly long day at work. Why should I be elsewhere that I dont need to be or shouldnt even be in the first place.
Thank you all for the comments. Needless to say, life is different for all of us, and we do not always understand other people's situations. In the spirit of Elder Neil L. Anderson in this past conference, just as we should not judge others by how many children they have and when they have them, the same applies to decisions around work, what type of employment, how long to work, etc. My post was intended to invite introspection about the fact that choice is always there and that we need to make those choices wisely. I often have to remind myself of that. "Do I really need to do that now?" Sometimes I do. But sometimes I don't.
ReplyDelete