Building Bridges

Sister Kathryn Callister and
Elder Tad R. Callister.

Recently I listened to an interview with Elder and Sister Callister on the Mormon Channel (Episode 35). In the interview, Sister Callister tells a story about how she connected with her teenage son with whom she felt she had lost a connection. One day she saw a sports magazine and realized that her son loved sports while she didn't know anything about them. She started reading articles and discussing them with her son. She became so well informed that one day her son told his father "dad, mom knows a lot about sports!" (he says "little did he know!") 

Mother and son became great friends!

What have you tried to create bridges with your children? Here are a few things I have tried to do with them individually to build bridges...

1. Take them out for breakfast
2. Play video games (seldomly but it does happen!)
3. Go to the gym and work out together
4. Listen to music together (yes, I actually enjoy some of their music)
5. Discuss apps and experiment with our iPads/iPhones
6. Chill and talk (usually while eating some treat or playing a board game)
7. Joking and horsing around. Nothing like good fun!

How about you? What do you do to build bridges with your children?

I'd love to hear your ideas!

The Traditions of the Fathers

Some years ago, during one of my regular church visits, I visited a family. The husband, after a long hard day of work (he was a mechanic), was relaxing in his lazy boy eating and watching TV. Soon after I entered the home I heard him call to his loving wife 'woman, get me some more water!' in a rather demanding voice. His wife complied. They were a happy couple, faithful to each other, active in the church. They were good people. It was just the way they lived, it was part of their culture.

In the March 2012 Ensign, there is an article by Elder Dallin H. Oaks' titled The Gospel Culture. Speaking of our need to rid ourselves of cultural traditions inconsistent with the gospel Elder Oaks said:

Some husbands...have the false idea that the husband rests while the wife does most of the work at home or that the wife and children are just servants of the husband. This is not pleasing to the Lord because it stands in the way of the kind of family relationships that must prevail in eternity and it inhibits the kind of growth that must occur here on earth of we are to qualify for the blessings of eternity. Study the scriptures and you will see that Adam and Eve prayed together and worked together (see Moses 5:1, 4, 10-12, 16, 27).  That should be our patter for family life--respecting each other and working together in love.

Question: what are some of the traditions of our fathers (or mothers) that we need to change for the sake of our families?

It's Been One Year!!

One a year ago exactly (it's leap year!) I started this blog. The blog itself is widely read in many countries (but mostly in the U.S.) and I believe it's reaching people I would not have imagined would read this blog. Last August the Spanish version of the blog went live and has become more widely and frequently read than the English version, something which I didn't anticipate. Though it takes twice as long to publish in both languages, I intend to keep doing it.

To celebrate, I'd like to recommend the all-time five most popular English version posts of the last year.

1. Father's Profiles: Karl Hawes - this was such great story and he gives great advice. Highly recommend this post.
2. Should I Stay or Should I go? It's a Choice! - I know this one created discomfort and much thinking. This is one of the posts that has created the most comments (mostly on the LinkedIn groups where I posted the article. 
3. And They Cheered On... - account of my first 25K. I'm getting ready for another one!
4. Top 10 Things I Wish I'd Known as a Young Dad - this was one of my very first posts. One of these days I'll write the sequel...10 Things I Wish I'd Known as a Dad of Teenagers! If you have any good ideas here, I'm all ears!
5. My Father's Day - an birthday homage to my own father whom I admire and love for being the best dad for me!

It's been fun, interesting, and most of all, I think writing has probably helped me the most. Comments are few (I know that blogger makes it hard to leave comments) and subscribers even fewer but I have heard from readers via email telling me they appreciate the content. I am grateful for those that read this blog even if it's only occasionally. I hope it helps someone out there. So if you wouldn't mind, please take 10 seconds and leave a comment and tell me what you think and how to make this blog better. Look forward to another year of being and improving as a dad!

Take care of what matters most!

-Marcelino

A Reminder of the Importance of Fathers

Photo by heymarchetti

The tragedy in Chardon Ohio (see news report) is a stark reminder of how important fathers are in the life of children.
No matter how one looks at it, statistics show (see one of many examples) that fatherless children are at a much higher risk of all kinds of problems such as...

• Become involved in crime
• Higher incarceration rates
• More violent and deviant behavior
• Higher probabilities of being victims and/or perpetrators of abuse
• Premarital sex
• Continue the pattern of fatherlessness

The list goes on...

And while (thankfully) not every child without a father will end up bringing a gun to school and shooting others, there is no question that EVERY child needs a daddy in their life.

And while most of us may at home dads, all of us need to be present in our children's lives.

Dads matter!

Glimpses of Fatherhood

Today I saw inspiring fathers...

A recently widower father coming into the chapel with his four beautiful little girls, all with their hair expertly done and wearing beautiful dresses. The weight of his responsibility evident on his face showed a determination to continue to provide for his daughters a legacy of faith. That was inspiring!

A beloved leader expressing how serving his dear wife has helped him realize how much he loves his wife who is battling a serious and debilitating illness. While carrying the load of his work and church responsibilities, he treats his young children with love, compassion, and patience. That was inspiring!

A proud father smiling as his recently baptized daughter is presented to the congregation as the newest member of the ward. Able and worthy to exercise his priesthood, he was able to baptize her and confirm her a member of the church. That was inspiring!

A dad brimming with obvious delight sitting next to his recently returned missionary son at priesthood opening exercises. They chat and smile enjoying the companionship of the other.  That was inspiring!

A dad surrounded by his five beautiful girls and wonderful wife on his birthday, hears from them how wonderful a dad he is. That was inspiring!

There are many dads all around us. None of them perfect, but many of them inspiring because they are doing their best to be the best dads they can be. Today I saw these little glimpses of fatherhood and it was inspiring!

Are My Children Fatherless?

Maybe a more appropriate way to ask this question is "how are my children fatherless? Since my last post, I've been thinking a lot about this question. I'm convinced that the father doesn't need to be physically absent from the home for children to experience fatherlessness. For instance...

• When our hobbies take too much time and precedence over our family...they may be fatherless!
• When our job or church/community service make us strangers to our families...they may be fatherless!
• When we are too busy to recognize our children's emotional needs...they may be fatherless!
• When we can't connect with them or feel like we don't know them any more...they may be fatherless!
• When we find it easier to be away from home...they may be fatherless!
• When our children look to others for advice, approbation, or caring...they may be fatherless!
• When they learn about what's most important in life from Facebook, friends, video games, and other media more than from us....they may be fatherless 

The thing is...it starts with the small things.

Then, let us take care of the small things and give our children a father every day of their lives.

Courageous Fathers

Father's Day speech in the movie "Courageous"

"Our prisons are full of men and women who have lived recklessly after being abandoned by their fathers. Wounded by the men who should have loved them the most. Many of these children now follow the same pattern of irresponsibility that their fathers did. While so many mothers have sacrificed to help their children survive, they were never intended to carry the weight alone. We thank God for them. But research has proven that a child also desperately needs a daddy! There is no way around this fact. 


"I now believe that God desires for every father to courageously step up and do whatever it takes to be involved in the lives of his children. But more than just being there providing for them, he is to walk with them through their young lives and be a visual representation of the character of God, their father in Heaven. A father should love his children, and seek to win their hearts. He should protect them, discipline them, and teach them about God. He should model how to walk with integrity and treat others with respect. He should call out his children to become responsible men and women who live their lives for what matters in eternity. 


"Some men will hear this and mock it, or ignore it. But I tell you that as a father, you are accountable to God for the position of influence He has given you. You can't fall asleep at the wheel, only to wake up one day and realize that your job or your hobbies have no eternal value, but the souls of your children do. 


"Some men will hear this and agree with it, but have no resolve to live it out. Instead, they will live for themselves and waste the opportunity to leave a Godly legacy for the next generation. 


"But there are some men, who regardless of the mistakes we've made in the past, regardless of what our fathers did not do for us, will give the strength of our arms and the rest of our days to loving God with all that we are, and to teach our children to do the same, and whenever possible to love and mentor others who have no father in their lives but who desperately need help and direction. 


"We are inviting any man, whose heart is willing and courageous to join us in this resolution. In my home, the decision has already been made. You don't have to ask who will guide my family, because by God's grace, I will. You don't have to ask who will teach my son to follow Christ, because I will. Who will accept the responsibility of providing and protecting my family? I will! Who will ask God to break the chain of destructive patterns in my family's history? I will! Who will pray for and bless my children to boldly pursue whatever God calls them to do? I am their father, I will!


"I accept this responsibility and it is my privilege to embrace it. I want the favor of God and His blessing on my home. Any good man does. So, where are you men of courage? Where are you fathers who fear the Lord. It's time to rise up and answer the call that God has given to you and to say I will.  I will! I will!


"But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord"
Joshua 24:15

There is truth all around us, if we will look for it. And this movie was worth watching!

Here is the movie trailer...