Father Profiles: Karl Hawes

I sincerely do not remember
a time when this good man
was not smiling!

Karl is a father of six children, most of whom are grown and out on their own. He has served in the church in a variety of callings including EQ President, Ward Mission Leader, and Bishop. He currently serves in the Stake High Council. Professionally, Karl has had a long and very successful career as a marketing & sales executive and entrepreneur. He lives with his wonderful wife Barbara in Rochester Hills, MI.

MF: What have you enjoyed the most as a father?

KH: Kids are nearly divine creatures. They always have something interesting to say that helps me grow. Listening to what they say is fascinating to me.

MF: When have you felt particularly prompted by the spirit as a father?

KH: I had to deliver our second child, I had to deliver him at home. It was very clear to me what I needed to do every step of the way, step by step. I've never been so guided in my entire life.

Years later, our son Seth was lighting our grill, which he had done many times but this time the igniter didn't work, so he closed the hood, went upstairs, got a lighter, came down stairs, and lighted the lighter and whoop, all his eyebrow  hair was badly singed and when he came in his face looked red like he had a sunburn. By the spirit I knew exactly what had happened and what I needed to do. We took him to the burn center where they were able to do just the right things to help him.

MF: What's been some of the most useful father advice you've received and from whom?

KH: My father-in-law. He said to me once "just follow the spirit and don't worry. It will all work out." He was a very spiritual man and had an inner confidence so that when he said something like that, you tended to believe it.

MF: What father role models have you had in your life?

KH: A stake president who became a very good friend called me as an Elders Quorum President, and then kind of adopted me and for 15 years after, he'd call me and say 'Karl do you have 15 minutes?' that was the code. And I'd grab a pen and he'd go for about a half an hour giving me advice. And he'd just give me very good, clear instructions, it was amazing.

MF: How have you managed to give proper focus to your role as a father with all the other pressing priorities at work and church?

KH: I'm not sure that I did a very good job. I've felt tremendous guilt as I've looked back. But as I look back, it seems that the formula I used actually worked, and I'm a little surprised by it! But the formula was, first, I married the right woman, that is like 99% of the deal. Two, I've always tried to follow the spirit the best I could, and the third is, no matter how old the kid was, I trusted them. I assumed they were going to make good decisions.

The big surprise for me is that now that the kids are married, I thought I was done. it's now it's more like a zone defense than one-on-one. And I'm surprised how intently each of our kids will come back and want specific guidance on specific issues. Today is a collaboration sort of experience...like friend to friend.

MF: Speaking of trust, some parents might have difficulty trusting kids, specially young kids,  to make good decisions consistently. How did you manage this?

KH: You always have to use judgement to decide where to draw a boundary and where to let them go. That is a constant nagging question. But consistently since they were little I've taken the position that if I can say 'yes' I will. If I feel like they are making the wrong decision I will often touch their arm gently and say 'now, just pause...and think where you are going.'

And they have had to learn the hard way sometimes but you don't learn by always making the right decision. So, bumps and bruises come!

MF: What do you think are some unique challenges that father face today?

KH: One of them is that there is no silence, no quiet. With the rapid pace of things, you can easily be distracted 24 hours a day, and if you do, you are sunk. 


The other thing is that the consequence of a decision gone wrong seems to be higher than 20 years ago. I think that the strategies of the evil one are better developed and can come to fruition much more quickly. Everything is on turbo speed. 


Last, the idea of man and woman is all confused. Men don't know how to be a man, and women don't know how to be a woman. To advocate manliness or true femininity seems dangerous rather than virtuous. For instance, to say 'I lead my family in prayer' can sound really bad in the wrong circles. So, sometimes, a man will not say that because it's not socially acceptable.

MF: What would you say to a young father as he faces the unique challenges of today?

KH: You my friend are a son of God. Be a man. Fear not and believe in yourself. And you'll be just fine. The spirit will guide you and give you everything you need to be a wonderful, magnificent father, if that is near the center of your heart. It'll all work out!