My Father's Day

My brother, my dad, me.

April 26 was my father's day. Yes, my father's birthday. I won't reveal his age but he's old enough to be my dad! (Though he doesn't look it, does he?)

So I wanted to dedicate this to him because from him I learned many things about being a father. Though I believe we are all a product of many factors, including our upbringing and our own choices, there are blessings in my life that I attribute directly to my father. Here is a list...

• He married in the temple. This gave me the hope and confidence that we'd be together forever as a family, and provided an example to follow.
• He provided security for our family. I was never afraid because I knew he'd always take care of me and my family. Now I try to provide the same for my family.
• He taught me the value of hard work. And I mean hard! Thanks to him, I am not afraid to work. And I've done work that I wouldn't apply for today but that I would do if necessary.
• He taught me to strive for excellence. He and my mother were adamant that we do things with excellence. It drove me nuts most of the time. Now my kids are paying for it!
• He dared to do bold things. Moving a family from one country to another, open up a restaurant (which he kept for 22 years) and developing other business interests takes uncommon courage. When facing a steep upward hill, I think of my dad.
• He's always loved the scriptures. Though he often fell asleep in the act (but miraculously he never dropped them!), I saw his love for the scriptures as he faithfully studied each day.
• He pays tithing faithfully. He inherited that from his own father. It's a legacy of faith we continue.
• He loves my mother dearly and showed it by serving her and helping her. I hope I'm measuring up!
• He's always served others, no matter what the need. And he is still hard at it with my dear mother. That's a legacy my kids are also paying for now.
• He prayed fervently (still does). Though we complained about the length (zzzz!), I never doubted he knew Heavenly Father was listening to every word he said.

So, yes, I was very blessed with a wonderful dad. I just spoke with him on the phone. We have a great relationship and I hope he's around for another good while. In the meantime...Happy Birthday Dad!! Felíz Cumpleaños!!

Five Things my Son Reminded Me About Family Home Evenings

Our Family Home Evening topic last night was Gratitude (thanks to my HPG instructor!). So I invented a game similar to scattegories with the objective to help the children think of things they are grateful for; nothing elaborate but not a lecture at least. As with many FHEs in the past, the plan did not go quite as planned...the kids were having a little too much fun, and at one point I wondered about the whole thing. Then as I wrapped up with a thought from D&C 59:21 (And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments), one of the boys I thought was a bit checked out, shared a poem titled "To Be Grateful is to Be Happy" (the title of our lesson) which he wrote right there and then.

To be grateful is to be happy

You should be grateful 

For every little tiny thing that you receive

Even though you try

You can't deceive yourself

God gave you all you have

Be grateful

Be happy

OK, so the poem might not win any awards (though I thought it was pretty good, but then again, I've never been one to appreciate poetry very much, just ask my humanities teacher at BYU!), and I'll confess that I am not an expert at successful FHEs. But here is what I do know...

1. Keep it simple (and short). Specially with little ones, they can't take it for too long. We try to chunk it up so we are switching modes and doesn't feel too long in any given activity.
2. Involve them (a lot!). Last night Camille and Joshua (two youngest) helped me gather up all the materials for the lesson. They loved it! Camille felt so special because she got to conduct the agenda (we have a simple agenda template we use each week just so we don't forget to cover all the things we need to cover),
3. Focus on specific needs. For me the key here is to be atuned to what the family needs. In this case, the prompting came during a priesthood lesson.
4. Preparation matters. For me this is easier if I keep it simple. The FHE manual has some great ideas but many are a bit too complicated for me so I usually take the idea, simplify it and roll with it.
5. Consistency matters even more. As Elder Bednar said some time ago, consistency is king (not exactly what he said but that's my interpretation of what he said). They may not remember the lesson, but hopefully they'll remember we had FHE on a regular basis.

I know this isn't advanced FHE material here but when my son read his poem, I felt glad and blessed that at least for him something had come to mind that may have been pure inspiration...or maybe just a reflection...maybe something else, but in any case, I knew the time was not wasted. And for that I am grateful...and very happy!


Image by photostock.

So, What Do You Do in Life?

I often facilitate meetings or training sessions where I like to have people introduce themselves. I try to be creative so it's not the boring plain "tell us your name, what department you are in, and how long you have been with the company." But usually one of the things I ask people to do is to tell us what they do in life...not for a living, not in the company, not as a hobby...just an open "what do you do in life?" I leave it to them to interpret the question the way they want to and answer accordingly.

To give people time to think how to introduce themselves, I start. When I get to the "what do you do?" question, I always say "I am a husband and the father of five awesome children, four sons, and a little princess." The five children usually elicits at least a 'wow' but often an incredulous 'five children?" or something like that, but once people pick up their jaws they introduce themselves and something really interesting happens!

Almost without exception, everyone follows suit and answers the "what do you do?" question in a very similar way. Everyone ends up talking about their family or their nieces and nephews, or their cats or dogs! It's great to see the trust this generates but it is also an interesting contrast to what we most often see in similar interactions. People almost always define themselves by what they do for a living. Perhaps because we spend many years preparing for it if we've gone to college or a vocational school. Perhaps it is because we spend the majority of our day at work or thinking about work; after all, it's the source of one's livelihood. But perhaps it is also because that is really how we see ourselves.

This came to my attention many years ago when our oldest son, Helaman, was just a little baby. My wife was to attend a church activity and I needed to be home with him. Someone asked me what I was doing that evening and I explained I needed to be home with the baby upon which came the often heard reply "ah, you have baby sitting duty!" Almost without thinking I said, no, I am being a father. Ever since then I have tried to remember that caring for children is not reserved for mothers alone and is as important to the children as providing for their welfare and protecting them. This is a privilege that all fathers can claim.

So I love to introduce myself by describing what I do in terms of my role as a husband and father, not because I think other descriptions are wrong or less worthy to mention, but because it makes it ok for others who might feel just as happy to be dads or moms, to say so and feel proud about it. So try it next time you meet someone.

So, what do you do in life?

The Sunday Fort

Today after dinner, my little girl Camille and her little brother Josh wanted me to come play in the basement with them. We had previously made a "fort" (a tent-like structure) with some blankets, furniture and chairs. I wanted to play but didn't really feel like crawling on the floor with my Sunday clothes still on (we were attending a baptism later in the day)...but she insisted. And it's really hard to say no to a smiling six year-old showing her dimples and moving her cute curly pony tails her mom had done for her this morning! So I went downstairs :/

We added a "room" to the fort and then we went inside. They had lots of fun running in and out of their huge fort and jumping over me. They brought dolls and toys for me to keep there and laughed a lot. I must confess I wasn't doing much other than sit there and make faces whenever they came into view. But I had a great time! :)

Afterwards, I remembered a recent talk I gave about building family relationships. In it I used a quote from the October 2009 General Conference from Elder Bednar's talk on being more diligent and concerned at home. Quoting President Monson he said...“Often we assume that [the people around us] must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. … We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us."

Well, my little girl did the teaching today!

I have ways to improve in this area. I tell Camille "I love you my Cams" every day. She often says, "I know!" And when I ask her how she knows she'll say... "because you've told me a thousand times!" (with that little sassy voice of modern six-year olds). I hope when she is older and I ask her "how do you know I love you?" she will say "because you made us a fort that one Sunday!"

Timely Advice to Fathers from General Conference

I skipped a week as we were traveling for spring break as a family. I felt the urge to take the time to write but upon reflecting that I was busy being a dad, I thought that was a good reason to wait writing on being a father.

But here it is...timely advice for fathers from General Conference just over a week ago. These are based on my notes as I listened to each message. I went back to the actual talks to get the quotes and I've added some of my own commentary to a couple of them. I'm sure there was more that I did not include here. I welcome your additions and comments. Enjoy!

ELDER PERRY

"...In the latter days the adversary succeeds when we relax our commitment to the Savior... Parents, now is the time to teach our children to be examples of the believers by attending sacrament meeting. When Sunday morning arrives, help them to be well rested, properly dressed, and spiritually prepared to partake of the emblems of the sacrament and receive the enlightening, edifying, ennobling power of the Holy Ghost. Let your family be filled with love as you honor the Sabbath all day long"

SISTER STEVENS

Quoting Elder M. Russell Ballard on the admonition to “behold your little ones” she said "To me that means that we should embrace them with our eyes and with our hearts; we should see and appreciate them for who they really are: spirit children of our Heavenly Father, with divine attributes” then she added "One of our beautiful Primary songs teaches this truth: God gave us families To help us become what He wants us to be"

ELDER COOK

In a wonderful homage to the women of the church and referring to the early women pioneers, he said "I believe the women of the Church today meet that challenge and are every bit as strong and faithful. The priesthood leadership of this Church at all levels gratefully acknowledges the service, sacrifice, commitment, and contribution of the sisters." I think as fathers and husbands we'd do well in likewise honoring our wives as equal partners. I think that will make us better fathers. 

PRESIDENT EYRING

Speaking of our need to teach children to do good to others, he said... "Wise parents see in every need of others a way to bring blessings into the lives of their sons and daughters."

ELDER MAYNES 

Speaking on how to establish Christ-centered homes, he said "It is difficult to overstate the importance parents have in teaching their children celestial traditions through word and example." Then he shared an analogy his grandson used in a talk to compare a family strength wi a rope; he said “Families can be like ropes. When only one person is working hard and doing what is right, the family will not be as strong as when everyone is putting forth the effort to help each other."

ELDER OAKS

Speaking on the importance of "desire" he said... "Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions. The desires we act on determine our changing, our achieving, and our becoming." Then he told the story of Aron Ralston who after having his right arm trapped for five days under a 800 pound rock "...was about to give up and accept death, he had a vision of a three-year-old boy running toward him and being scooped up with his left arm. Understanding this as a vision of his future son and an assurance that he could still live, Ralston summoned the courage and took drastic action to save his life before his strength ran out" he cut his arm off and walked five miles for help. What are we willing to do when our wife and children are upper most in our desires?

ELDER ANDERSON

"Missionary service is a spiritual work. Worthiness and preparation are essential. President Monson has said: “Young men, I admonish you to prepare for service as a missionary. Keep yourselves clean and pure and worthy to represent the Lord.”  In the years prior to your mission, please remember the sacred assignment ahead of you. Your actions before your mission will greatly influence the priesthood power you bring with you into the mission. Prepare yourself well." I believe we have a sacred duty to help our sons prepare now.

ELDER GIBSON

After telling the story of his sons taking care of multiplying rabbits he said... "But my heart was touched as I saw my son and his brothers watch over and protect those rabbits. And now, as husbands and fathers, they are worthy priesthood holders who love, strengthen, and watch over their own families." Then he went onto talk about how YM can prepare to serve faithfully to watch over others. Again, we have a sacred duty to help our sons now! One suggestion: work on DTG together with them. It's a great experience. 

PRESIDENT UCHTDORF

After asking us to ponder the question "Are we living below our privileges?" he said... "The holy priesthood of God also has an owner’s manual. Let us commit to reading the scriptures and handbooks with more purpose and more focus. Let us begin by rereading sections 20, 84, 107, and 121 of the Doctrine and Covenants. The more we study the purpose, potential, and practical use of the priesthood, the more we will be amazed by its power, and the Spirit will teach us how to access and use that power to bless our families, our communities, and the Church."

PRESIDENT MONSON

Speaking to husbands and future husbands, he said... "Priceless advice comes from a small framed plaque I once saw in the home of an uncle and aunt. It read, “Choose your love; love your choice.” There is great wisdom in those few words. Commitment in marriage is absolutely essential." Then he added a quote by President Hunter "Being happily and successfully married is generally not so much a matter of marrying the right person as it is being the right person.” I like that. “The conscious effort to do one’s part fully is the greatest element contributing to success.”  

BISHOP BURTON 

After quoting the dying wish of his great-great grandfather to "Be kind to the poor" he added "The work of caring for one another and being “kind to the poor” is a sanctifying work, commanded of the Father and divinely designed to bless, refine, and exalt His children." This made me reflect on how well my children are learning this principle and of what I need to improve. 

PRESIDENT MONSON

"To you parents of young children, may I share with you some sage advice from President Spencer W. Kimball. Said he: “It would be a fine thing if … parents would have in every bedroom in their house a picture of the temple so [their children] from the time [they are] infant[s] could look at the picture every day [until] it becomes a part of [their lives]. When [they reach] the age that [they need] to make [the] very important decision [concerning going to the temple], it will have already been made.”  ~What wonderful advice. I have some rooms to decorate!

ELDER SCOTT 

How about this for a checklist for a successful marriage?

• Are you faithful to your spouse mentally as well as physically? 
• Are you loyal to your marriage covenants by never engaging in conversation with another person that you wouldn’t want your spouse to overhear? 
• Are you kind and supportive of your spouse and children? 
• Do you lead out in family activities such as scripture study, family prayer, and family home evening, or does your wife fill in the gap your lack of attention leaves in the home? 
• Do you tell your wife often how very much you love her?

ELDER ROBBINS 

He gave an excellent talk about parenting! Here is just a short quote but we'd all do well in reviewing the entire talk. He said... "The most important way to teach to be is to be the kind of parents to our children that our Father in Heaven is to us. He is the one perfect parent, and He has shared with us His parenting manual—the scriptures."

ELDER HOLLAND 

"As our conference comes to a close, I ask you to reflect in the days ahead not only on the messages you have heard but also on the unique phenomenon that general conference itself is”  ~May we as fathers lead our families in reflecting on such timely messages and lead in taking action and putting the prophets' words to the test. 

PRESIDENT MONSON  

Another timely reminder about doing something as a result of conference... "As we receive the issues of the Ensign and Liahona magazines which will contain these messages in written form, may we read and study them."