Glimpses of Fatherhood

Today I saw inspiring fathers...

A recently widower father coming into the chapel with his four beautiful little girls, all with their hair expertly done and wearing beautiful dresses. The weight of his responsibility evident on his face showed a determination to continue to provide for his daughters a legacy of faith. That was inspiring!

A beloved leader expressing how serving his dear wife has helped him realize how much he loves his wife who is battling a serious and debilitating illness. While carrying the load of his work and church responsibilities, he treats his young children with love, compassion, and patience. That was inspiring!

A proud father smiling as his recently baptized daughter is presented to the congregation as the newest member of the ward. Able and worthy to exercise his priesthood, he was able to baptize her and confirm her a member of the church. That was inspiring!

A dad brimming with obvious delight sitting next to his recently returned missionary son at priesthood opening exercises. They chat and smile enjoying the companionship of the other.  That was inspiring!

A dad surrounded by his five beautiful girls and wonderful wife on his birthday, hears from them how wonderful a dad he is. That was inspiring!

There are many dads all around us. None of them perfect, but many of them inspiring because they are doing their best to be the best dads they can be. Today I saw these little glimpses of fatherhood and it was inspiring!

Are My Children Fatherless?

Maybe a more appropriate way to ask this question is "how are my children fatherless? Since my last post, I've been thinking a lot about this question. I'm convinced that the father doesn't need to be physically absent from the home for children to experience fatherlessness. For instance...

• When our hobbies take too much time and precedence over our family...they may be fatherless!
• When our job or church/community service make us strangers to our families...they may be fatherless!
• When we are too busy to recognize our children's emotional needs...they may be fatherless!
• When we can't connect with them or feel like we don't know them any more...they may be fatherless!
• When we find it easier to be away from home...they may be fatherless!
• When our children look to others for advice, approbation, or caring...they may be fatherless!
• When they learn about what's most important in life from Facebook, friends, video games, and other media more than from us....they may be fatherless 

The thing is...it starts with the small things.

Then, let us take care of the small things and give our children a father every day of their lives.

Courageous Fathers

Father's Day speech in the movie "Courageous"

"Our prisons are full of men and women who have lived recklessly after being abandoned by their fathers. Wounded by the men who should have loved them the most. Many of these children now follow the same pattern of irresponsibility that their fathers did. While so many mothers have sacrificed to help their children survive, they were never intended to carry the weight alone. We thank God for them. But research has proven that a child also desperately needs a daddy! There is no way around this fact. 


"I now believe that God desires for every father to courageously step up and do whatever it takes to be involved in the lives of his children. But more than just being there providing for them, he is to walk with them through their young lives and be a visual representation of the character of God, their father in Heaven. A father should love his children, and seek to win their hearts. He should protect them, discipline them, and teach them about God. He should model how to walk with integrity and treat others with respect. He should call out his children to become responsible men and women who live their lives for what matters in eternity. 


"Some men will hear this and mock it, or ignore it. But I tell you that as a father, you are accountable to God for the position of influence He has given you. You can't fall asleep at the wheel, only to wake up one day and realize that your job or your hobbies have no eternal value, but the souls of your children do. 


"Some men will hear this and agree with it, but have no resolve to live it out. Instead, they will live for themselves and waste the opportunity to leave a Godly legacy for the next generation. 


"But there are some men, who regardless of the mistakes we've made in the past, regardless of what our fathers did not do for us, will give the strength of our arms and the rest of our days to loving God with all that we are, and to teach our children to do the same, and whenever possible to love and mentor others who have no father in their lives but who desperately need help and direction. 


"We are inviting any man, whose heart is willing and courageous to join us in this resolution. In my home, the decision has already been made. You don't have to ask who will guide my family, because by God's grace, I will. You don't have to ask who will teach my son to follow Christ, because I will. Who will accept the responsibility of providing and protecting my family? I will! Who will ask God to break the chain of destructive patterns in my family's history? I will! Who will pray for and bless my children to boldly pursue whatever God calls them to do? I am their father, I will!


"I accept this responsibility and it is my privilege to embrace it. I want the favor of God and His blessing on my home. Any good man does. So, where are you men of courage? Where are you fathers who fear the Lord. It's time to rise up and answer the call that God has given to you and to say I will.  I will! I will!


"But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord"
Joshua 24:15

There is truth all around us, if we will look for it. And this movie was worth watching!

Here is the movie trailer...

All That Noise...I'm Going to Miss It Some Day

Our crew in Times Square

No, our house is no museum where everything is always orderly, clean, and quiet. It's more like a workshop! And on a Sunday afternoon when I'd like to enjoy a little bit of peace and quiet, I hear laughter, bantering, two children running around, one chasing the other, someone screaming 'stop!!', someone playing piano in the family room, all at the same time! Yes, a house with five children is no museum. So, today as I had a split second to be by myself in my bedroom, I observed, some day I will miss all this noise.

That was in my mind because earlier in the day, a friend of mine commented to me that his children are all gone now and the only thing he has left are pictures and videos. I'm sure he and his wife enjoy life in this new phase of life. But he told me he missed his children and I could tell he did. Then his wife added "when you have young children, that is your whole life!...then they leave and you don't know what to do with yourself."

So, there are at least two risks here...

On the one hand, 'putting up' with the mundane things of everyday life such as driving children around, making lunches, helping with homework, going to their activities, reminding them to put their coats up on the hanger for the 100th time, the never ending chores, etc. may keep us from truly enjoying this wonderful stage in life when the children are still at home.

On the other hand, letting that be 'life-as-we-know-it' may keep us parents from developing a relationship with our spouse independent from our children.

So, I'm determined to do a little better at both, enjoying the noise of life and more purposefully developing a relationship with my wife that is not centered around our child rearing tasks only.

After all, someday they will be gone and my house may look more like a museum, always orderly, clean, and quiet. And when that day comes, I hope to sit next to my wife and enjoy the videos, pictures, and good memories of all the noise my children make today. In the meantime, I'm happy with my workshop, noise and all!

A Child's Prayer: What I as a Father Learned From My Little One

Luke & Helaman around the time
of the incident.

Recently we read as a family the account of Nephi breaking his bow and the whole family suffering hunger because of it. It always strikes me as interesting that after he makes a new bow and arrow, he goes to his father, the patriarch, the prophet, Lehi to ask for direction "Whither shall I go to obtain food?" Lehi asked the Lord and learned a lesson that I think he always remembered.

As I thought about this event, I thought about how Lehi was humbled and learned a powerful lesson because of his son's gentle invitation. And then I remembered a similar experience that happened to me many years ago when my first son Helaman was about 4 years old.

We had been shopping. It was a late and chilly January night. Kelly, Helaman, and Luke (who was one then) waited in the car as I made one last quick purchase. When I came back I discovered that Helaman had stuck the wrong key in the ignition (what?). After a lot of effort, the key finally came out but when I try to insert the right key, the key wouldn't turn, it didn't even go all the way in as normal. I spent the next several minutes trying different things but to no avail. As each minute passed, and it kept getting late, and colder in the car, my frustration grew. And just at the wrong time (for me), Helaman said in his innocent little voice: "Dad, why don't we say a prayer?" Being in the state of mind that I was, I felt no desire to pray, so I said without really meaning it, "okay, why don't YOU pray?"

As my little boy started praying, guilt came over me and then concern. What is he going to think when he realizes that the key will not turn simply because he said a prayer? I didn't want his faith to be shaken. In truth, at that moment, it was my faith that was absent, not just shaken.

He finished his prayer.

Nervously and hesitantly I turned the key. Slowly.

This time, it didn't resist at all.

The car started!

At that moment I felt a spirit of peace come over me. Not just because the car had started. I felt relief yes. But what I felt was more like a gentle rebuke of love that reassured me that God listens to prayers, particularly those of His little ones.

That night, a child's prayer was answered in what I felt was a miraculous way. What's more, a father learned a powerful lesson that I will never forget: to trust in the Lord, seek his help, and to be patient and believing.

As Nephi did, my children also teach me many lessons. Yes, it takes humility to recognize them but fathers can and should learn from children valuable lessons for life and living. For that, I am grateful to be a dad.

Father's Blessings...Who Remembers Them?

Camille as a new born.

Today was a special day because two of my friends blessed their babies during sacrament meeting. What a great treat it was to see these faithful men use the power of the priesthood given to them to give a father's blessing to their infant babies as they begin their earthly journey.

But, who really remembers these blessings? I must admit that I don't; and today I wished that I had documented my children's blessings better. But the infant is too young to remember. And the parents, even if they write the blessing, probably seldom review it or are likely to misplace it and never see it again.

But that doesn't' matter! What matters is that a father pronounced a blessing by the power of God. What matters is that the blessing is binding and in full force, even when the child isn't aware of it. What matters is that the blessings pronounced are fulfilled even when we don't remember them, even when we take them for granted.

But today, as my friends pronounced these very special blessings on their respective children, I was reminded of the importance of a father's blessing. They matter, even if we don't remember them.