What Would I Do?

I recently saw this video (which many have seen by now) about a special father. It's a sad and beautiful story of tragedy, faith, and forgiveness. As a father myself, knowing how I adore my children and how terrible it would be to have one of them gone, the message of the video left me pondering...

• What would I do?
• How would I feel toward the responsible person?
• Would I let go?
• Would I forgive?

I hope to avoid this kind of experience but the truth is, we don't know. And it may not be a tragedy like this. Yet, how do we respond in less painful situations? 

I am still thinking...what would I do? I am praying fervently, that I may be ready. It would be the hardest thing but I think it's the only course.

Watch for yourself...

Fore more uplifting messages like this, check the mormon channel on YouTube.

Gifts From the Mission Field

Young men serve for 2 years as
missionaries for the church.

Recently I came across a Business Week article published in June 2011 titled God's MBAs: Why Mormon Missions Produce Leaders. The authors highlighted the disproportionate number of influential mormons (members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) in major corporations, academia, and government (e.g. Stephen Covey, Mitt Romney, Clay Christensen, etc.). The central hypothesis is that the 2-year missionary experience, which all LDS young men are expected to serve, and which many do serve, explains the success rate of these high profile and others less famous names but highly successful people.

The article is interesting in its own right and there could be a lot of good discussion from it. But what I believe is a more important legacy of a two-year mission for a young man who has faithfully served a mission, is how it prepares him for fatherhood. I recognize that 1) there are excellent fathers who didn't serve missions (or are LDS for that matter), 2) that effective fatherhood is a result of many other factors as well, and 3) that missionary service does not guarantee good fatherhood. Yet, there is no denying the many 'gifts' or 'treasures' that LDS fathers can receive from their missionary service. Here are a few:

1. Relying on the power of prayer and trusting in God's grace
2. Selfless service to others
3. Discipline, persistence, and hard work
4. Solid understanding of the plan of salvation and the role of families in the plan
5. Dealing with adversity and disappointment
6. Learning to listen and to be guided by the Holy Spirit
7. People skills such as listening, empathy, teaching others, etc.
8. Sense of direction and focus in life and personal responsibility
9. Maturity and perspective about what's really important
10. Becoming a good partner and friend

Surely there are other gifts. What is your experience? How have you seen missionary service prepare someone for fatherhood? I welcome your comments.

New Beginnings: Five Perfect Opportunities For Fathers

Josh holding on to mom after he
changed his mind at the bus stop.

Today was the first day of school for our children. As would be expected, there were mixed feelings about starting not only a new year, but making new friends, facing new learning, going onto the next level of education, and all the anxiety and excitement that comes with that.

Joshua had his first day of school ever! He was all excited until he saw the school bus and then he decided there were too many people on the bus and he wanted mom to drive him to school! His day ended on a very good note however and he came home happy to be a kindergartener.

Whether it be a new school year, starting a new job, moving to a new house, welcoming a new baby, getting married, you name it, we face many new beginnings quite often. Some are big, some are small in terms of their impact. But all are important to those who face such changes; and a great opportunity for us as fathers to bless the lives of our children (young and old, and our spouses). Here are some ideas...

1. Boost their confidence, take the time to reassure them of their abilities and capabilities as it might be natural for them to feel uneasy about their new experience. Help them use their strengths to find ways to manage the newness of the experience.
2. Invite them to rely on their Heavenly Father through prayer and seeking His guidance. These are great opportunities for them to increase in faith and in humility.
3. Invite them to talk about how they feel as they start their new adventure. Talking can help them discover insights that can help their social, physical, emotional, and spiritual development. Dinner as a family is a perfect time for that!
4. Listen and observe how they adapt to the new experience. Sometimes our urge is to give counsel or to suggest ideas. Give them space and just watch and listen. It's amazing what we can discover if we open our eyes and ears.
5. Bless them! As you feel prompted, use your priesthood authority to give them a priesthood blessing. On Sunday, as we put the kids to bed, our 7-year old Camille said to me "Dad, those blessings were very nice!" referring to the blessing they had all received earlier that day.

Growing up, it was my mother that did the first four things mostly, as I suspect is common in most families. But as fathers we have the privilege to bless our children's lives in these important transitions. It's just a matter of time and will. Let us make the time to help our children as they face new situations. They will appreciate it for a life time.

That's the Way to Watch a Movie

Camille and I watching a movie

I guess it is unusual (for some at least) that we don't have TV service,  or cable, or dish. Never have, probably never will. But we do enjoy watching movies as a family (thank you Netflix, Hulu, and Redbox!).

Yes, the kids watch movies on their own (pre-selected of course!) but whenever I'm around, Camille always asks me to sit next to her and watch the movie with her.

You see, for her, watching a movie just isn't the same if dad is not next to her hugging her and cuddling. And I'm happy to confess...I don't mind it one bit! In fact, I love it!!

So, I usually have Camille on one side, Josh on the other. But particularly for my little girl, that is what makes the movie watching experience even better, dad sitting next to her, all cozy. To that add popcorn and twizzlers. Now, that's the way to watch a movie!

Of course, I like a good movie, but to me it's more than just entertainment, it's a way to connect and to bond, a way to say 'I love you my little girl!'

Favorite movies? Hmmm, here are a few...
Jakob the Liar
Fiddler on the Roof
Sound of Music
Elf
Nacho Libre
Life is beautiful
Remember the Titans
Letters to God
Tangled
Home Alone
Toy Story 3
Sister Act
G-Force
Radio
National Treasure (both of them)
Close Encouters
E.T.
Rocky (all of them)
Forever Strong
The Karate Kid (all of them, including the newest one)
Zorro
The Princess Bride
...

Too many to list!

Happiness From Being a Dad

At church I heard a good brother testify that happiness stems mostly from our family relationships and our roles as members of a family unit. I believe that is one of the reasons God designed the family unit, to help us learn how to be truly happy. And that is true for dads as some men reminded me this weekend.

Yesterday during a stake sponsored activity, a friend of mine was carrying his little boy on his shoulders, his two beautiful little girls running around him pulling on his hands and shirt. He seemed quite happy with his beautiful children.

Today at church, I saw one happy father. He was holding his little boy (probably just a few months old) in his arms. He cradled him as he sat during church and soon the little boy was sound asleep comfortably resting on the arms of his dad. I love that sight.

This is the real thing...they

were all hanging from dad

even if only for a split second!

I think they'll hang on to him

for a lot longer than that.

Then I saw this picture on Facebook of my brother-in-law with all five of his kids hanging off him with the caption "I told my wife that I would know that I'm old when I can't carry all my children at the same time. I'm not old yet!" His happy countenance is an indication of his happiness as a father, not to mention his satisfaction knowing he's not 'old' yet! (which he wanted me to point out in exchange for his permission to use this picture!).

In all cases, these are outstanding fathers and husbands, and great examples of the happiness that comes from those two most important roles. For me that happiness is greater than anything I have ever experienced and worth any sacrifice. I would not trade it for the world!

Boys Will Be Boys?

Note: this post was written the first week of August during an all LDS Scout Encampment but for some reason wasn't published as I thought it was.

Over 800 LDS Boy Scouts and Leaders at Camp Rotary
ready to start church services.

Being with a group of nearly 900 Boy and Venture Scouts, all LDS is a sight to behold. It's a time for friendship, a time for learning, a time for teaching, a time for adventure, and a time to have fun!

And there is no better way to do it than with your own sons. So here I am with my to oldest sons and savoring every moment like a well cooked filet mignon! (unless you are vegetarian of course!). Seeing dads with their boys is such a nice thing to see but what's touched me deeply is seeing dads who are here even when they have no sons to hang out with. Hats off to all of them, especially those without boys. They are here out of love. I hope my boys recognize that.

Most adult men here reach out to young men and become role models. They sacrifice their time, energy, and resources to be here in the hot, humid summer days with boys that will some day hopefully do the same for other boys, maybe their boys.

Thank you Greg, Steve, Everett, and all those who have gone before and who will go hereafter to these camps to provide leadership, friendship, and love to my boys and to all boys. Because as someone said at one of the firesides, "boys will be boys? No, boys will be men" and I will add, boys will be dads!

Missing it already…but there is more to look forward to

My little Josh still loves to cuddle
with dad.

It was a rant, well, not really but my kids may have thought it was. It went like this…

"Parker doesn't like me to hug him any more, Luke, lets me but he doesn't hug me back, Helaman…nope. The only one that still hugs me is Camille and Joshua. Parker still let me hold his hand just a year ago but now…he'll slap my hand if I even try! You guys have grown and changed!"

My little Josh still loves to hug me and cuddle with me. So does Camille. But soon, they too will change. They grow. They change. One day they wake up and realize it's weird to hug dad, to hold his hand, to sit on his lap, to be kissed by him.

Nothing compares to the feeling of holding a little hand, pressing your cheeks against a soft chubby little cheek, or cradling a little child in your arms while telling him or her a story that makes them laugh or giggle.

Maybe not everyone enjoys it like I do. But I venture to say that most dads feel a twinge of loss, longing, even sadness, when they realize their little boy or princess has grown up and have changed. I do. That's why every day I enjoy each moment with my children. I hope it's not smothering. But I take every chance I can to hug them, kiss them, have them on my lap, tickle them, hold their hand. That is, until they grow and no longer accept such affection.

The other day, my oldest son (15) said to me "dad, can we go throw the ball later today?" In my mind's eye I saw a cute little boy (he was very cute and chubby as a toddler) pulling on my hand with his little hand asking me to play with him. Then it dawned on me!

I said 'yes!' readily. And though it wasn't the feeling of his soft chubby hand, I felt a similar sense of satisfaction and happiness, and love for my son, who although bigger, taller, stronger, more mature, and with the deep voice of a grown man, he is still my boy. A boy who wanted to be with his dad.

Playing a physical one-on-one basket ball game, or throwing a football is what I have come to enjoy, in a different way, but just as much as hugging him and holding him tight (though I still do that but in a different way).

So while I continue to cherish those precious few moments I have left with my little ones, I will miss my little boys and little princess when they are grown. But I'm learning there is much more to look forward to that can be rich and satisfying. Because a dad will always be a dad.