A Vow to Protect

Josh & Camille with their umbrellas
the next day

Yesterday I finally set out to plant the new flowers we bought earlier this week. It had been raining a lot over the last few days. So, at the first break, I got my little plants out on the lawn and starting planting away. Camille and Joshua (who incidentally were both in their pajamas) wanted to help so I gave them each their job, one, clearing away the mulch so I could dig out the dirt, and the other one helping put the soil back on after placing the plants in the ground.

It was great but of course, the break didn't last long and it soon started sprinkling. Of course, I couldn't leave the job undone so I continued. My little faithful helpers wanted to stay with dad, so they got their umbrellas out and put them over their heads and my back as I continued on my knees planting the remaining plants.

They were having a great time, making sure we didn't get wet. They'd ask, "daddy, are you getting wet?" and "do you feel water on your shoulder or your head?" I assured them I was fine but every time we'd move to a new spot, they would make sure their umbrellas were just in the right spot so daddy wouldn't get wet. Then Josh said, "I am protecting you daddy!" and I said, "what does protect mean Joshie?" and he said, "it means that I'm saving you from getting wet!" accentuating 'getting wet' with an inflection in his little voice that told me he really wanted to keep me safe from the rain.

Camille, me, & Josh under their
protecting umbrellas

There I was, on my knees, working, and my son, my little boy, my youngest child, and his sister, were protecting me, their dad! I felt so grateful for that! And I've been thinking about it ever since.

As a father, I have a solemn responsibility to protect my family. And sometimes I wonder, like my two little ones did, am I providing full coverage? Are they getting sprinkled by the evil influences that storm all around us? What's the best way to position my umbrella to provide better protection as times change?

These and other questions are often on my mind. And yesterday they came to the forefront as my two precious little children set an example for me. It is true that out of the mouths of babes wonderful things come out at times. And yesterday I recommitted to my vow to protect my children for as long as I am their father, and for as long as they are within my reach to influence. I think that is what our Heavenly Father expects. I think that's what Heavenly Father does for us. I am grateful for a loving God who protects us and has given us all the tools we need to take advantage of that heavenly protection. Fortunately for dads, those are the same tools we can use to protect our own children.

I Am an Addict.

I have a confession to make...I am addicted!

Photo by Idea go

Yes, after a long time of thinking about it, I concluded I am in fact addicted to my smartphone. If you have one of those do-it-all gadgets, you may in fact also be addicted and just not know it or admit it. But if you are not (and are not still using a pager!), then kudos to you! I admire you, envy you, and you can just read on and pity the rest of us poor souls who are.

So here is a quick test to see if you are addicted to your smartphone. If you...

• Leave your phone in your nightstand and check it just before you go to sleep
• Wake up to it every morning (your alarm clock)
• Check it first thing when you wake up
• Take it out to look at it at least once at dinner time
• You read your scriptures from it
• You no longer take your scriptures to church but use your phone instead
• You check your mail and text during movies, school functions, right before sacrament meeting, in between classes on Sunday, right before you get on your car and right after you stop, etc.
• Pull it out when you get in an elevator
• Glance at it at stop lights
• Feel shortness of breadth when you forget it at home
• Have panic attacks when you accidentally leave it at a restaurant or other public places

...then you might be addicted to your smartphone! 

Now, I don't do all of the above but I am guilty of a good number of them! And though in my opinion none of those things are inherently evil, they may get in the way of being a good father. Picture this. My daughter is trying to get my attention and I'm scrolling down through my email messages on my phone. She's going on and on and I'm not making eye contact with her but just nodding and going "uh-huh" until she says "ok!" and starts to walk away and I go "wait, what?!?" 

Dinner time is a similar story. Every now and then I discretely peek at it to see if my client replied yet to the proposal or some other important message that just can't wait until tomorrow. Of course my wife and kids can't tell because my phone is 'hidden' under the table (mastered the art and science of it after countless boring meetings), then dinner is over!

Yes, I've done it, and you probably have too! After all, this isn't new, and unfortunately, I think it's dads that are more, what shall we say...susceptible to this behavior?

So yesterday for the first time, I put away my phone during dinner and...it was wonderful!! We always have great dinner conversations but this time was even better. I felt a lot more engaged with my children and not distracted by anything. I was able to appreciate the experience much more than I usually do. It was liberating and not once did I feel anxious. It was great!!

Granted, there are many other, much less benign addictions than this, yes! But even this type of thing can get in the way of our role as fathers. So, my new commitment is to let go of my phone (and other gadgets) more and not let it interfere with my daily interaction with my wife or my children. Obviously these wonderful devices have their utility and are extremely convenient at times. But one can easily become overly dependent on them. And over time, I believe, this tendency can affect our effectiveness as fathers. 

So, I look forward to more dinners like that!

Father Profiles: Meet my friend Adam!

Adam, a Scouting Leader
at a Court of Honor

Adam is a father of five children, including three teenagers and two younger children. He was recently released as a counselor in the YM Presidency where he blessed the lives of many wonderful young men, including my two oldest sons. He has also served in many other capacities including serving as a Bishop. Professionally, he has spent his career as a special agent for one of the federal government agencies. He and his wife Laura live with their five children in southeast Michigan.

MF: What do you enjoy most about being a father? Why?

Adam: Seeing my children grow and make righteous choices. We speak of living joyfully and think sometimes, as the world tries to entice us to believe, that such living is found in acquiring possessions, or climbing the career ladder, but to me, real joy comes in seeing what it is my children choose to do and be. Don’t get me wrong. I get satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment from those other things, but my joy is found in being a father. My children are not perfect and they sometimes even have bad attitudes toward good things, but they are good children, ones that I am proud to call mine.

MF: How have you felt the Lord's influence in your father role? How has He helped you or magnified your efforts as a dad?

Adam: Because I love them, I worry about them and pray for and about them. In doing so, I have been blessed with inspiration about them and in my stewardship toward them. I have been reminded over and over again that parenting is a partnership between heaven and earth. When I speak of inspiration, I speak of the simple, “Have a lesson on topic X tonight,” or, “Go now and apologize, and tell him/her that you love him/her,” to the more complex, “Principle Y as taught and experienced by these fathers mentioned in the scriptures will help you here.” Beyond the inspiration, I’ve found great help reading about God’s dealing with his children.

MF: What's your family home evening routine?

Adam: I love Family Home Evening and have some wonderful memories of lessons and nights with my family.  We generally gather, sing, pray, talk about upcoming events, have a lesson, sing again, read scriptures, and then close with prayer. Our gatherings are fairly relaxed which, for my children, is helpful in getting them to focus for a while.

MF: How do you help protect your family from the evil influences of the world? What do you do?

Adam: Teach them truth. There is no other way. This is a truth that I learned best through a remarkable experience with one of my children. As I worried and wondered and prayed, there came the profoundly simple answer, “Teach him/her the truth and leave the rest to him/her.”

Why I love puzzles...

Tonight we finished a puzzle we have been working for several days. It's only a 500 piece puzzle but being the novices that we are, it took us a long time. A long time that I have enjoyed fully.

You see, it was a great way for me to spend time with each of the children. Parker in particular got to work on it in the mornings because he likes to wake up very early but then gets bored because he doesn't leave for school until after 8:30 a.m. Recently I had been wondering how to spend more time with him because he comes from school, quite late (yes, late start, late finish). So I made a simple adjustment. Since I usually start working very early in my home office, I started to take a break and work on the puzzle with him for a few minutes until it was breakfast time. We have done this every morning for the last several days. In the early evenings I would spend another few minutes with another one of the children. Whenever we had a bit of downtime I'd go to the puzzle table and say "ok I'm going to work on the puzzle if anyone wants to help" and every time at least one of the children would join me.

Today after dinner, Camille came to help and after a while she started singing primary songs. I joined in. It was marvelous! Later in the evening the three oldest boys asked if we could finish it. I really didn't want to. I wanted to make it last a little longer. But we couldn't help ourselves. We only had a little bit to go and between the four of us we finished it. During this time, we enjoyed each others' company and even had a small father-boys council which we needed to have.

So we finished this puzzle. We will start a 1,000 piece puzzle next. I look forward to it. I love puzzles because it is such a great time to spend one on one quality time with each of my children. It is a time to work together. It is a time to communicate. It is a time to help them solve their own puzzles. It is a time for me to solve my own father puzzle. Questions like...

-Do I have all the pieces or am I missing something?
-Does this piece go this way or that way?
-Where does this piece go anyway?

That's why I love puzzles.

And They Cheered On...

Call it middle age crisis, call it craziness, call it whatever you want but today I ran my first 25K race. Though it wasn't really a race. I think most of us were there to prove ourselves. In my case, I wanted to know I could still run. Of course, I wasn't in it to clock a particular time but just to finish the thing.

Over all it was a great experience. I like challenge, I like to set goals and accomplish them. Yes, there was a bit of pride involved, after all I'm 40. OK, so there, I admit it. But fitness is also very important to me, I want to be an active dad. I want to be able to play hard with my children until they leave home (at least). So, fathers, yes, what does this have to do with fathers?

Yes, it was raining, but there
they were. I know it was not the
ideal way to spend a Saturday!

Well, I invited the whole family, and they came! They came to see their old man do something crazy. They cheered me as I stood fresh, daring, and confident at the starting line. I was grateful to have them there.

Of course, I had to pace myself so I would not kill myself too soon. So a lot of people passed me, definitely more than I was passing! A sign caught my attention. A young woman was holding a sign that read "You are my Gold, You are my Dad." Being in the frame of mind that I was, at first glance, what I saw was "You are my old dad." So I had to look again to see the whole thing. And I smiled and thought how nice it was to see children cheering their fathers (and mothers) on as they ran.

Then I noticed a man that was pushing what looked like a sports stroller except, it wasn't a baby riding inside it. It was a young boy about 11-12 years of age with what seemed to be some kind of severe physical disability. I saw two others, also pushing their disabled children, who were along for the ride. I thought what a great thing for those dads and their children to spend this time together and be part of the same challenge. I admired those fathers. Particularly the one that had to stop to attend to his son who seemed to be in some kind of discomfort. Later on he passed me again, and I was glad to see that his son was ok.

Luke's shot of his old man at mile 13

Kelly called me around mile 7 to let me know they were waiting for me. And they waited...and waited...because they were in mile 13. At the pace I was going, it would take me another hour to get to where they were, but her call encouraged me. She would call again about 3 or 4 more times to ask how I was doing. Around mile 13 I finally saw Luke and Parker running towards me to take pictures. Then I saw Kelly, Helaman, Camille, and Joshua. They gave me high 5s and screamed and yelled and cheered me on. It was a great sight. One that gave me the encouragement to continue on and lengthen and speed up my stride. My family has had that effect on me in more than one occasion, in more than one way. And that's something I'm very grateful for.

The home stretch was straight, flat, and relatively easy. It must have been adrenaline, or the GU energy gel I had around mile 12 (and do they taste nasty!), or the sight of my beautiful family, or an answer to my prayers (yes, I said more than one prayer as I ran because my one of my knees really hurt!), or something else, but I found energy to close strong.

Eric and Brett, two dads I am glad
to call friends

Well, I wish I could say my finish time was great but it wasn't. I came in at 3 hours (I think flat). Well, at least it wasn't more than 3.5 hours, when race officials stop measuring after. That was the only real target I had, but it did feel good to finish strong. As I crossed the finish line, there was Luke again (he is Mr. Speedy and the official photographer whenever I'm not it), and then I saw the rest of the family. It was great to see them there, still cheering on.

So, I am very grateful to have had my wonderful family there. It was inspiring to see my wife and children.

Like today, they inspire me every day to keep going. Like today, I believe they cheer me on, though they might not show it. Like today, they are the reason I continue even when things get tough. They are the reason I get up every day. They are the reason I do everything I do. For they I am grateful every day to be a dad.

A Very Productive Day

This is a copy of the original posting which was wiped out when blogger went down earlier this week. Sorry for the inconvenience...here it goes again.

One of the advantages of being self-employed is that I have much more control of my time and get to spend a lot more time with the family. Since I work from my home office, this also means I get quite a bit of interruptions. Now, interruptions were not uncommon at all when I had a nice office in a big company, only they didn't include invitations to jump on the trampoline or to play cars or trains, as Joshua (4) is prone to do.

My little Joshua Dahlin

Over the last couple of days, because of Kelly's schedule, Josh stayed with me quite a bit of the day. He was very patient but every now and then he'd peak into my office and say "can we jump now daddy?" He'd wait until I was done with a client call (he knows not to interrupt me when I'm on the phone) and ask again. I was working on a client presentation and after he figured I had made enough progress, he'd come in and ask again "can we now daddy?" Needless to say, he finally broke me down and I did spend some time with him jumping on the tramp. It was fun too!

Well, this went on for two days and tonight I commented to Kelly that I hadn't been as productive. I hadn't finished nearly all I had planned for those two days. But as I thought about my own comment, I reflected that indeed I had had a very productive day. When Josh went to bed and I got close to kiss him good night, he said, "that was fun!"

It reminded me of the story told by Elder Richard G. Scott in the most recent General Conference (April 2011). One busy afternoon, and after the stern suggestion of his dear wife, he played with his children. Very early the following morning one of his children came to his bed at 4:00 and said "Dad, I love you. You are my best friend."

So, I have to start extra early over the next couple of days to catch up on some of the work. But I hope and trust that having spent the time with my boy will yield greater benefits than if I had checked everything on my to do list over the last couple of days. Indeed, I had a very productive day!

To the Mothers In My Life

Some years ago President Gordon B. Hinckley gave a wonderful talk titled To The Women of the Church and the following year he paid special tribute to his beloved wife Marjorie in his tender message The Women in Our Lives. Following the example of this gentle giant of a man, I dedicate this post to the mothers in my life.

My Mother
She molded me into who I am today by believing in me when I could not. By cheering me on when I would not. She showed me unconditional love, and today she is still a beacon of hope, a ray of light, a source of wisdom, and a fountain of love. She gave me life and she showed me how to enjoy it and how to be happy.

My Mother-In-Law
She raised and prepared a little girl into a virtuous and beautiful bride, my dear wife and partner in this life. She welcomed me into her family with open arms. She is wise, sensible, and a joy to be around. She too is my mom!

My Sisters and Sisters-in-law
They are amazing women, all five of them. In their own way, they are all raising magnificent children and I have learned to be a better father because of them. They make me laugh, they are some of my best friends!

My "Sisters-in-law-in-law" (these are married to my brothers-in-law)
We are all outlaws (as our in-laws like to say!), but we are a good bunch. They are wonderful mothers, wives, and great friends.

My Wonderful Wife
Last but definitely most important, my dear and wonderful wife. She is the joy of my life and the reason for my happiness. She makes life worth living. She gives me inspiration to dream.  She gives me the courage to reach and try. And the strength to continue on. Because of her I am the happiest husband and father I could be.

On this day, I am grateful to the Lord for the mothers in my life.

Father Profiles: Karl Hawes

I sincerely do not remember
a time when this good man
was not smiling!

Karl is a father of six children, most of whom are grown and out on their own. He has served in the church in a variety of callings including EQ President, Ward Mission Leader, and Bishop. He currently serves in the Stake High Council. Professionally, Karl has had a long and very successful career as a marketing & sales executive and entrepreneur. He lives with his wonderful wife Barbara in Rochester Hills, MI.

MF: What have you enjoyed the most as a father?

KH: Kids are nearly divine creatures. They always have something interesting to say that helps me grow. Listening to what they say is fascinating to me.

MF: When have you felt particularly prompted by the spirit as a father?

KH: I had to deliver our second child, I had to deliver him at home. It was very clear to me what I needed to do every step of the way, step by step. I've never been so guided in my entire life.

Years later, our son Seth was lighting our grill, which he had done many times but this time the igniter didn't work, so he closed the hood, went upstairs, got a lighter, came down stairs, and lighted the lighter and whoop, all his eyebrow  hair was badly singed and when he came in his face looked red like he had a sunburn. By the spirit I knew exactly what had happened and what I needed to do. We took him to the burn center where they were able to do just the right things to help him.

MF: What's been some of the most useful father advice you've received and from whom?

KH: My father-in-law. He said to me once "just follow the spirit and don't worry. It will all work out." He was a very spiritual man and had an inner confidence so that when he said something like that, you tended to believe it.

MF: What father role models have you had in your life?

KH: A stake president who became a very good friend called me as an Elders Quorum President, and then kind of adopted me and for 15 years after, he'd call me and say 'Karl do you have 15 minutes?' that was the code. And I'd grab a pen and he'd go for about a half an hour giving me advice. And he'd just give me very good, clear instructions, it was amazing.

MF: How have you managed to give proper focus to your role as a father with all the other pressing priorities at work and church?

KH: I'm not sure that I did a very good job. I've felt tremendous guilt as I've looked back. But as I look back, it seems that the formula I used actually worked, and I'm a little surprised by it! But the formula was, first, I married the right woman, that is like 99% of the deal. Two, I've always tried to follow the spirit the best I could, and the third is, no matter how old the kid was, I trusted them. I assumed they were going to make good decisions.

The big surprise for me is that now that the kids are married, I thought I was done. it's now it's more like a zone defense than one-on-one. And I'm surprised how intently each of our kids will come back and want specific guidance on specific issues. Today is a collaboration sort of experience...like friend to friend.

MF: Speaking of trust, some parents might have difficulty trusting kids, specially young kids,  to make good decisions consistently. How did you manage this?

KH: You always have to use judgement to decide where to draw a boundary and where to let them go. That is a constant nagging question. But consistently since they were little I've taken the position that if I can say 'yes' I will. If I feel like they are making the wrong decision I will often touch their arm gently and say 'now, just pause...and think where you are going.'

And they have had to learn the hard way sometimes but you don't learn by always making the right decision. So, bumps and bruises come!

MF: What do you think are some unique challenges that father face today?

KH: One of them is that there is no silence, no quiet. With the rapid pace of things, you can easily be distracted 24 hours a day, and if you do, you are sunk. 


The other thing is that the consequence of a decision gone wrong seems to be higher than 20 years ago. I think that the strategies of the evil one are better developed and can come to fruition much more quickly. Everything is on turbo speed. 


Last, the idea of man and woman is all confused. Men don't know how to be a man, and women don't know how to be a woman. To advocate manliness or true femininity seems dangerous rather than virtuous. For instance, to say 'I lead my family in prayer' can sound really bad in the wrong circles. So, sometimes, a man will not say that because it's not socially acceptable.

MF: What would you say to a young father as he faces the unique challenges of today?

KH: You my friend are a son of God. Be a man. Fear not and believe in yourself. And you'll be just fine. The spirit will guide you and give you everything you need to be a wonderful, magnificent father, if that is near the center of your heart. It'll all work out!

Random Sunday Thoughts...

1) Spent a few hours (yesterday) helping a young aspiring Eagle Scout. His dad was there doing hard labor right along with his son (9 hours straight of back-breaking labor). I hope the son does not forget his dad did not leave him alone. Faithful fathers never do.

2) Had wonderful blessing to teach one of the lessons for preparation to receive the Melchizedek Priesthood to a humble and faithful brother coming back into activity. He told me the reason he came back to the church was to be able to receive the priesthood and bless the life of his wife and children. He reminded me of something that it's sometimes easy to take for granted, that the best way to bless our families is to be a worthy priesthood holder and use it to bless our family. Thank you my friend! I came home uplifted by his example.

3) Was reminded by a good friend of mine to trust my children to make good choices. Always teach correct principles and help them make good choices. Boundaries are important yes but they have to feel I trust them.

4) Witnessed a baby blessing today. What a nice thing to see a dad blessing his little one. I know we are not supposed to record them but I thought what would our children do if they remembered or were able to read their father's blessings? Then it came to me. They can, just give them one now!

5) Watched young dads at church today (we are blessed with several) with their babies. I remember those days with tenderness in my heart. I miss those times. My hats off to those guys, and their dear wives; for those days will come to an end and they will miss the soft warm feel of their precious little ones in their arms.

6) Read a bit with Camille. Oh she loves to read! Oh do I love to read with her! Especially because she loves to snuggle close to me and hug me. What can I do? Read more!

7) Came home late from an appointment and Luke was waiting for me to go collect fast offerings (were unable to collect them earlier). I had forgotten but he hadn't. Everyone else was ready for bed but he stayed up and dressed. I felt so grateful for his example of fulfilling his priesthood duty. He keeps me on my toes!

8) Read parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15)...what a wonderful example of a compassionate, loving, father. He loved both of his sons dearly!

I love being a dad!