The miracle of technology!

Granted it might not seem like a literal miracle something we use so often and that's so common place. However, when used to unite families in prayer and scripture study, I think it is awesome!

We arrived at my brother-in-law's house last night, except he wasn't there, only his beautiful family. He is traveling. When it came time to get the kids to bed, they all gathered around the computer and skyped with dad who was in his hotel room ready to start what is evidently a nightly tradition.

As the image of their dad came on the screen, all three children yelled 'daddy!!' and seemed to be ecstatic to see their dad on the screen. They exchanged important information like what they had done during the day and the fact they had these aliens (cousins) in their house to stay for the night, and such things.

We read the scriptures, mom explained some of the verses, and when finished, dad called upon someone to offer the family prayer. It was awesome!

As a frequent traveler myself, I've done it many times, I'm sure you've done it too! In my mind, it's still awesome. And last night it was great to see an awesome dad whose children adore him, being there even without being there. Tonight, when he comes home, the hugs and kisses will abound. And though the physical touch will never be replicated through technology, while dad is away, technology is a miracle that as a dad I am grateful to have.

Father's Day Thoughts...

It's very late but I still wanted to get this in before the end of the day on Father's Day. It's a different kind of post. Perhaps not what you might have expected but here it goes...

Thought One: My kids gave me such a nice day today. I feel very grateful to have such wonderful children. Camille had made this beautiful card with the "Top 10 reasons why I love my dad" and she read each one a couple of times just to make sure I heard them all. I feel very blessed for the opportunity to be a dad and for the children God has sent to our family. I do love being a dad every day!!

Thought Two: One of the speakers in our service today spoke about the legacy her father left for her. She said something that still rings in my ears...something to the effect that her father lived his life as a celebration and a testament to our Heavenly Father. A celebration...joyfully, a way to remember something or someone special, something to look forward to and prepare for. I like that idea about fatherhood. A testament...made me wonder to what degree do I resemble the attributes of our Heavenly Father in my father role? In what ways does my way of being a dad help my children gain a knowledge of and faith in their Heavenly Father? Something I will continue to ponder and act on. Plenty room to improve for sure!

With Camille & Josh

Thought Three: During HPG meeting/class we discussed obedience. Somehow we ended up discussing our roles as fathers and how to teach or help our children learn obedience. Among this diverse group of seasoned and capable men (many of them having served as bishops, stake presidents, temple presidents, HC councilors, seminary teachers, etc. and with a variety of professions such as doctors, engineers, business and sales executives, entrepreneurs, etc.), there were comments about how the different challenges of being fathers today, require a different kind of a father. The exchange was fascinating and it dawned on me that we were all very open to learning from each other and that both old and young have something to learn from one another. Being sort of in the middle, I'm trying to learn from both groups. I think there is much we can learn from others.

My wonderful dad with my
lovely mother

Thought Four: One of my favorite songs is The Living Years by Mike & the Mechanics. It's a great song with lyrics that carry a message that made me act long ago before it was too late. Fortunately, my father is still alive. We have always had a good relationship, and we've also had differences in how we've viewed things. But those are things that we have been able to discuss in the living years. I am grateful we have been open about how we feel. I did get to tell him all the things I had to say, and I don't have any regrets. We are great friends. He is my mentor still. He is my inspiration for much of what I do. I know some day he will no longer be in this world but while he's still here it's not too late to say that there is no frustration, only love and that as a father now, I share your hopes and fears, and that I am glad I get to tell you in the living years. If you haven't told your dad, I invite you to do so while you can.

Hope you had a wonderful father's day and that you'll have another one again tomorrow!

Brother Warner

Right before our canoe ride. It was
only about 59 degrees and rainy!

We left around 4:30 Friday afternoon. Five young scouts (two of them my sons Helaman and Luke), three adults, one vehicle. We jammed everything in our Suburban, tents, cooking gear, sleeping bags, and everything that we needed to have a wonderful time. The forecast: high of 59 and rain! We were scheduled to canoe the next morning. But we didn't care...we were going and were determined to have fun. And fun we had!!!

The experience reminded of another scouting trip many years ago. This time I was one of the young men. I don't remember all the leaders but I remember Brother Warner. He was cool! Not because he wore stylish clothes (far from it), or because he had the athleticism of most young men (he didn't), or because he drove a nice car (an old truck). He was cool because he made me feel special. It's hard to describe, but I wanted to be like him. He had two sons. They were obedient, respectful, and so much fun. I think they were like that because they had a wonderful father. And I admired that. Even as a young man, I felt an admiration for this man because he demonstrated the qualities of the kind of person I wanted to be.

I thought about it because I also admire the two men that were with me with these boys. It is such a blessing to have wonderful men serving my sons and the other boys in our ward. And I hope my sons look up to these men. I hope they see in them the qualities they will want to develop as adults, as dads some day. I feel very fortunate that my sons have these opportunities to interact with such special leaders who can be father role models the way brother Warner was to me.

All men can play a significant role in a young man's life. We don't have to be their biological dad. But we can all demonstrate the qualities that they might want to emulate some day.

On the way back at a Taco Bell stop

That's why I want my sons to go on these outings...that's why I like to go. Yes we had fun. Breakfast was smoky and a bit greasy but very tasty. Yes we got wet in the freezing water. Yes we had a blast laughing around the campfire telling stories. But more than all of that. It is the relationship between men and boys that I hope we all remember to help us be better men (young and old). Whether we are fathers or not, we can all be father role models the way brother Warner was to me.

I'd love to hear from you.

• Who was someone who touched your life as a youth? 
• What did they do that inspired you and helped you?
• How were they 'father' role models?

Father Profiles: Meet my friend Eric!

Eric is a father of two young girls and is married to Irina. Eric served a mission in Honduras and has served in several callings in the church including Counselor in the YM's Presidency, Temple worker, Primary teacher and home teacher. He is currently serving as EQ President. Eric recently graduated from Wayne State University Law School and will be working as an energyl lawyer for Miller Canfield in Lansing, MI. Prior to law school, Eric worked as a landscape contractor. 

MF: You just finished law school. You went from having a stable career and reinvented yourself. What have you learned about yourself as a father and how has that changed your outlook as a father?

Eric: First thing I have to say is that I couldn’t have done it without Irina. Law school in itself is a challenging experience and then you add kids and other responsibilities, it’s pretty overwhelming! If it wasn’t for Irina’s support and her dedication I couldn’t have done it. It is also very helpful that when we decided to go to law school it was a very prayerful decision so we knew that that was we were supposed to do no matter how hard it got. 

I had to learn how to make time for my kids and my wife to continue the relationship at the level we wanted, so we’ve had to learn new things. I think too that when you go through something very difficult, we grow closer together as a family. It’s made us realize that even if things aren’t great, it’s great to have a family and that we’re doing the right things.

MF: Most children don’t have the experience Morgen has had to have his dad be a student like she is. What was it like to be a student parent and come home from school like Morgen?

Eric: They would always ask what kind of projects I did at school what I had for lunch! They would always send stickers and suckers for my teachers! It is a good way to teach them the value of education. They’ve seen the sacrifices, so they know education is valuable and that you work hard and things work out.

MF: As a father of young children, what are the most significant challenges you see in the future?
Eric: I [look at] the challenges I had when I was a kid and looking at what teenagers face now in terms of what is acceptable in the media and mainstream society. Much has changed in the last 15 years, how much more is going to change in the next 10 years, as my children become teenagers? What kind of world my children are going to face? It’s going to be a more liberal society and I think about how do I teach my children to stay in the straight and narrow? How do we counteract [that] with the little bit of time that we have with them? Because as they grow and spend more and more time with their friends and at school, how do the few minutes and hours a week that as a father we have with them, how and what do we teach them? I think that’s the biggest challenge.

I see that the more consistent we are with the basics, the more confident the kids seem in standing up in making the right choices. So the focus is trying to do those basic gospel principles that we’re taught so the kids will have the tools to lean back on as they face the challenges of today.

MF: What are some traditions, rituals, daily activities that help you do those basic
things?
Eric: One thing we found works well is reading the scriptures during dinner. We read a couple of pages and we always ask questions and even though they are eating, they listen so they can answer the questions and they are picking up the principles.

We also do father’s interviews the first Sunday of every month and it’s something the girls look forward to every month. It’s a little thing, but it’s a time to talk about what they worry and are thinking about,

MF: What are some traditions that you have tried to institute to foster the relationship between you and your children?
Eric: Morgen likes to wake up early so we eat breakfast together. Then I get to walk her to school and then every night I try to put the kids to bed. Because they sleep in separate rooms, I have a few minutes to talk with [each] and see how their day went and be goofy with them.

MF: What are some of the role models you’ve had as a father?
Eric: I look up to my dad for many things, one of the most beneficial things that he taught us was to work hard. I’m very grateful that he taught us how to work and expected us to work. His example of a work ethic has helped me in my professional pursuits to stick with things to get them accomplished.

I’ve also look to other men in the church who have influenced me. For example, the idea of father’s interviews came from Bishop Hawes and Steve Kesler. So I pull different ideas from different dads, those who are doing the right things and learn from their example.

MF: Say something about a significant person, event, milestone, or turning point that has helped you to be the father that you are.
Eric: When Morgen was born, it was great. We were living high! Everything was great, we both had jobs, we were in good callings, Morgen was healthy and happy, and we were on cloud nine. Then when Karina was born, she was sick and we were confronted with her health challenges. That made things very very real, whereas before it was kind of surreal. So that was a turning point that made me realize that life was very precious and that we have to take advantage of the moments that we have and make the influence where we can because you never know and you can’t take things for granted.

MF: What is the best advice you have received as a father?
Eric: Just recently I met with a good friend and something that he said which was really insightful was that we should try to figure out what legacy you want to leave as a father, because you will leave a legacy whether you want to or not.

Along the same lines, he said to have a family mission statement, what do you want your family to stand for? For the same reason, so your kids, as they grow up they know what the family stands for, what’s allowed, what’s not allowed, what the norm is. So that when they are confronted with things that are not normal, they’ll know where to fall back on.

MF: As you look back at your six years as a father, what is the most enjoyable thing about being a father?
Eric: To be there to see when they learn something. To see that they are learning and growing and to know that we’ve had an impact on them. It’s the hands off stuff, what they do when we are not there, that’s the most exciting thing, to see them making decisions on their own.

The Grass Will Grow Again!

You see that lawn? No, I don't pay a professional lawn mower service. I would have fired them by now! But I do pay my sons to do it. And I don't really mind jagged edges, or a missed strip of grass, or a razed corner where the mower got too close. The grass will always grow again!

But it's a great opportunity to teach kids work and excellence. My boys have been mowing since they were 11 (and Camille will get her chance too, why not?). Too late some might say...too young might say others. Either way, that's when they started and I must confess the first few times, it was nowhere close to being up to par.  With time, some coaching, and practice, the boys have gotten very good! Except, today I asked one of them to use the edger for the first time. It's not a big machine but its a real gas edger that requires some practice. Well, practice was today...and it shows too! Those edges look like the edges of a can opened with a swiss army knife. And I'll have to sharpen my edger blades! But it's all good. It's all part of an investment in young men learning how to do real work, hard work, work they can be proud of.

I know full well that when they are going through the experience, like today, they can't see the end. Some times they can't even see the point. I remember my own youth. We worked hard, real hard (that might be another post). That's one of the blessings my father gave me (though some times I didn't fully appreciate it). That's one of the blessings I'm trying to leave for my children. I'll even invent work if I have to (my mother did!). I'll even let my boys do funny things to my lawn, because the grass will always grow again. But my children, my children will only grow once.

Dad, Are You Really There?

See that guy in red back there? He
couldn't stop videoing; it was great!!

Today I went to Musson Elementary's (my kids school) Field Day. This is one event I have tried to attend every year. This time for some reason I noticed so many fathers. I'm sure this was the case last year, I'm sure this is the case in most other elementary schools. But it was so encouraging to see dads out there cheering their kids. Every now and then I could hear a faint voice of a girl or a boy calling out "dad!...dad!" urging their dad to look at the physical feat of his beloved son or daughter. The proud dad was there smiling, taking pictures, video, and spurring his child on.

It might be a generational thing, or my memory may fail me, but I don't recall many dads in those types of activities when I was growing up. My own dad, because of work reasons, could not attend those types of events. But times have changed, and, at least in this respect, for the better. I see dads changing diapers, shopping with their kids, involved in school activities, coaching their kids sports teams, and other such things.

But are we really there? I hope that as dads, we not only attend events but are there also when our kids need us most. At least today I know Camille and Parker were glancing at me to see if I was watching, to see if their dad would notice and be proud of them.

It reminds me of one of my favorite primary songs, A Child's Prayer. The first verse begins "Heavenly Father, are you really there?" The same can be asked of earthly fathers..."Dad, are you really there?"

I think our kids pay attention to our presence all the time. Is my dad there? Is he watching? Does he care? Does he notice?

I know it's not always possible to make every event, but those dads I saw out there having fun with their kids reminded me of how important it is to really be there. Thank you dads for your good examples. You make a difference in your children's lives; and that's a big deal, bigger than the deal you may have just closed today!