One Last Long Glance

Kelly and I went to the gym together with Joshua (4) this morning. It was one of those mornings when our schedules matched just right and we were able to be there at the same time (very nice when that happens!). Instead of going to the nursery, Josh decided he was going to walk with mom around the indoor track while I hit one of those machines (don't even know what it's called) that works muscles I didn't even know I had (but that I felt the rest of the day!).


So there I am with my earbuds on, listening to music while moving my legs and arms at a nice pace and trying to focus on my breathing (I hear that's important). One end of the indoor track goes around this big open area right in front of the machines where I am working up a sweat when around comes Kelly and Joshua walking briskly and Kelly points at me so Joshua can see me.

Josh looks up and his eyes widened the way they do when they see a big surprise. I guess he's never seen me working that hard! He waves at me with a big grin on his cute little face showing his beautiful dimples, and continues looking at me right until he figures he can't see above the other exercise equipment between him and me.


Next time around he repeats the process and each time he comes around, he figures a new way to keep me within eyesight just a little longer. He ducks to see beneath the machines, he moves his little head to look for any little space through which he can still spot me. But inevitably, he gets to the corner where there is no way to look through the wall.


Each lap, he repeats the process. He looks like a little boxer moving his head down, sideways, up, and down again, all the while he is waving, smiling, and telling mom I'm still there. Like beauty pageant contestants are famous for doing, there I was waving starting from left to right and smiling broadly. Of course, the comparison is absurd but there I am smiling, even chuckling a bit looking at my boy for as long as I can. The lady on the machine next to me wasn't amused I don't think (she must have thought I was waving at her) but I didn't mind her, my boy was putting on a show for me, it was great and I wasn't going to miss it.


Then it hit me. Through the sweat and physical exertion, I realized my boy was looking at me. He looked and looked, and continued until he could no longer see me.


How long will he look? How much will he yearn to see his dad? I hope for a long time.


Then I remembered.


I also looked to my own dad. Growing up I always knew he'd be there for me. For a long time until my young adulthood I knew that if something went wrong he'd be there to make it better. He always did, not matter the problem or how hard. I always felt safe knowing he was there. And I looked and looked and continued looking until there came a point in my life when I knew I had to turn the corner and continue. That moment came shortly after Kelly and I got married. It was a hard realization for me to wake up one day and realize that now I had the responsibility he had always had as my dad. But that realization and his example made me want to provide that love, safety, and sense of security for my own children and my wife.


I wonder if that's part of what Josh was looking at today.


How long will he look? What will he see?


It's very different now but I still look to my dad. He is my friend and I look to him for counsel and advice. What do I see? Someone who loves me and still wants the best for me and still instills in me confidence when I need it. Even though he can only look, smile, and wave.


That's what I want Josh to see, for a long time. Even when it's his turn to be a dad.

Random Sunday Thoughts

1) Studied a bit from the Church Handbook of instructions sections 1-4. It's very interesting to me the emphasis on the role of the father in the work of salvation and how we need to lead. Here is a thought When you use the priesthood “by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned” (D&C 121:41), you receive the Spirit and will do many wonderful things for your family and those you serve.

2) Today I saw a young father with two small children, one of them a very young baby. I had never seen this young man but could tell his wife was not with him. It was quite a tender thing to see him there lovingly caring for his little ones. Then he got up to take the baby with a little pouch where I'm sure was a clean diaper with wipes. He came back a moment later and sat to enjoy the rest of the meeting and I thought...there is a man! Way to go dad!

3) My son Luke (my home teaching companion) I went to visit a widow at a rehab center. On the way there I told them that for our father's interview, we would change roles and that he could interview me. It was a great experience. His questions were thoughtful and sincere. We actually had quite a conversation. I feel very blessed to have Luke as a son! He makes me want to be a better father.

4) A young man in our ward is getting help with his Eagle (scout) project from a young father who is filling in for this young man's dad while he is working away from home and can't be here to help. What a great example of how we can bless the lives of others even when we are not their actual father.

5) Helaman started to teach his little sister Camille the basics of playing the piano. She admires him very much and it's evident he enjoys sharing of his knowledge and talent with her. Even at this young age I can see he is developing the traits to some day lead his own family as he learns to love and care for his younger siblings.

6) I got into a pillow fight with the boys down in the basement. It's amazing the bonding that can happen when pillows are flying!

The Example of a Father

Today I saw a scene that made me wonder how my children see me, particularly while under an unexpected and/or stressful situation.

As we waited for a church youth basketball game to begin, I saw an adult leader get overly upset about something. The details aren't important; his behavior was clearly out of line and unbecoming of a priesthood holder (and a father). But what made me pause even more than his behavior was how the boys next to him, one of whom was his own son, watched awkwardly at the whole thing.

The whole episode made me think about what if this was me throwing a fit in front of my kids (whether at home or in public). What would they think? How would they feel about me? What would my behavior influence the way they react to similar situations?

What about other behavior? Maybe it's not fits, maybe it's something else. It might be how I react to their mistakes, how I respond to their questions, to their need for my attention. It might be how I express myself about others. It may be a number of other behaviors. The questions are the same.

• What does my behavior tell them about me?
• What does my behavior say about how I see and feel about them and others?
• How does my behavior influence the way they feel about me & about themselves?
• How will my behavior affect the way they become as fathers or mothers in the future?

These and other questions prompt me to be much more aware about how my behavior makes a difference. Example does matter. It does make an impression, sometimes lasting. Question is...am I even aware of it? Do I even know how my children perceive and feel about my behavior?

I hope so. But maybe sometimes it might be good to just ask them and then make a course correction if necessary.

What's So Special About Breakfast at McDonald's? My Kids

Last Monday I had to go out of town again on business. Sunday night I wanted to do something special the next morning with my three oldest boys who would get up early enough that I'd still be able to see them before driving off to the airport. As they went to bed I proposed the idea "guys, what do you think about breakfast at McDonalds together tomorrow morning?" They got excited!

You see, Helaman goes to seminary pretty early (6:00). After I drop him off at school, I drive Luke to school at 7:00. Then I come back and usually have breakfast with Parker and Camille who need to be ready for school around 8:30. So we never have breakfast all together. Sleep is sacred in our home, so why get up earlier if you don't have to right?

So, when I suggested we go out for breakfast, they got excited because it was our little secret, our own boys' morning out for breakfast. I know my kids don't like it when I travel (even my older boys), so this made it extra special; it was our time together just before I left on a trip.

So, I picked Helaman just a few minutes early from Seminary (shhh, don't tell Sisters Moffit or McEntire), and with his two younger brothers, we headed for breakfast at McDonalds. It's not that I really like McDonald's but it was the closest open place to digest something. But it was the company and the laughs we shared together during those precious few minutes there.

I hope they remember that experience the way Luke remembers and still talks about the time when he and I went for an exploratory walk through the woods in the snow one cold winter night for one of our son/dad outings because there wasn't anything else to do or much time to do it. He thought it was pretty memorable. And so did I.

I hope they remember it the way they remember and still talk about the time I took them three on a road business trip to a short client engagement and they got to stay all day long in the hotel room waiting patiently for dad to get done so we could drive a bit around a town we hadn't been in, eat dinner and then drive all the way back home.

I hope they remember that, the way they still remember and talk about the time we made a small fire in our backyard and cooked our foil dinners and camped in the backyard next to our deck.

That morning, after I dropped them all off where they needed to go, I drove off to the airport feeling joyous and satisfied for the privilege of having spent this special time with them.

So, what's so wonderful about McDonald's? It's my kids!

Top 10 Things I Wish I'd Known as a Young Dad

So, these might not make David Letterman's list but here they go...

1. Always use a towel. When changing your baby boy, make sure you always put a towel over him if you don't want to end up with a yellow wet shirt.
2. Take good precautions. Without obsessing over it or being overprotective (yes there is such a thing), take practical precautions, like, never leave a baby alone on the bed or bathtub while you go get the phone. But...
3. Don't overreact. Small children are extremely resilient, when they fall, bump their heads, or the such, don't over do it. Believe me, they'll get over it much faster than you will.
4. Pay attention. "Look at me when I'm talking to you Bob!" recognize that line? Yes, it applies to fathers too, not just super heroes. Even before they start talking, eye contact is a good habit to have when your child is speaking or gooing at you.
5. Have fun like a child. Just because you are an adult doesn't mean you can't have fun. Kids love it and you'll make awesome memories. But when your dear wife comes calling then put on your adult hat in a hurry!
6. Wear the badge with pride. When carrying your baby at church, forget your new or recently cleaned suit. Wear the milk stains and anything else that comes from your dear baby's facial orifices as a badge of honor. Believe me, your suits can always come clean and if not, chances are you will outgrow them soon anyway!
7. Don't force it! When it comes to eating, even little children have preferences. Unless you want sprayed peas all over your face, never force your child to eat that darn gerber that tastes like expired pudding. Instead, try combining it with something else your child does like. My wife asked me to make it clear this only applies to older children, not newborns.
8. Use the magic of touch. Hug them, kiss them, caress them. People ask me how my children stayed reverent in church all three hours (they never walked the halls during church). While my dear wife did most of the work, my small contribution was the practice of sitting them on my lap in a nice comfy hug. Then I'd hold their hands, caress their ears, run the point of my tie through their little hands, etc. The like it a lot and keeps them still.
9. Don't bounce the baby. First, during the baby blessing, please do everyone a favor by not bouncing the poor child. First, it's not part of the ordinance. Second, if they are asleep, the bouncing will wake them up and no baby likes to be awakened. Third, if the baby is awake, bouncing them the way a bunch of guys in a circle can do it, will not quiet them. When was the last time you were bounced by a bunch of guys much bigger than you without you screaming?
10. When she's in labor, do what she says. When she's in labor with your first child, DO what she tells you to do WHEN she tells you to do it, REGARDLESS of what the plan was! This principle of course, applies in between births, and in the years after child bearing. Yes, veteran fathers and grandfathers will tell you this is good marriage insurance.

The father in me...

As a teenager I was blessed to grow up with a little brother 10 years my younger. I loved him dearly (still do though he's not so little now!) and hanging out with him made me appreciate and want to have the role of father some day. Years later as my wife and I were expecting our first child, I found myself on my knees pleading with God to guide me because I felt so inadequate to begin my role as a father. Sixteen years and five children later, I still find myself every day on my knees pleading for the Lord's help as I try to be a good father and husband.

As strange as it sounds, every now and then, people, especially younger fathers, will ask me for advice. I'm not the advice giving type but I'm always eager to help a brother asking for help. While I have learned a great deal about fatherhood (mostly what not to do, like goo gooing with your baby while holding him above your head with his little chubby face down looking at you right after nursing!), I am learning every day and suspect will be in this mode until the day I pass onto the next life. I cherish my role as a father, I have a conviction about the importance of this sacred responsibility. So, this blog is really meant to benefit both readers as well as writers alike. I will invite special guests to contribute regularly to keep the perspective fresh, diverse, and interesting.

My goal is not to reach the masses but the one. Hope you enjoy it!