Christmas Time...Family Time

The end of the year can be a very busy time. Shopping, sending cards, planning vacations, wrapping presents, sending presents, closing business cycles, setting goals, traveling, get togethers with friends and family, etc.

All good endeavors, but none more important than spending time focusing on Christ and family. After all, the only reason we have Christmas is because Christ was born to fulfill His divine mission. And the purpose of His mission is to 'bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.' And eternal life is only to be achieved in family units.

Then, let us at Christmas time, celebrate and remember Christ and the hope that is in His infinite atonement. Let us spend quality time with our families and focus on how to make them more 'fit for the kingdom' and happier in this life.

As fathers, that is our most important charge. All other things will then come into their proper focus at the appropriate time.

Merry Christmas!!

Meet Bill, a Father Indeed

A garbage man, coin collector a fisherman, father of three girls and a special son, and the husband of a dear beloved wife with multiple sclerosis. This is the inspiring story of a devoted husband and father. Take a look.

"It is an honor to be a father!"

For more inspiring messages visit the Mormon Channel on YouTube.

10 Great Christmas Gifts Ideas for Fathers

Photo by Naito8

Christmas is a time of gift giving. And what child (or adult) does not get excited about what Santa will bring on Christmas morning? For parents (and grandparents) Christmas time means lots of shopping for that special gift. People go to great lengths to obtain that cherished gift or get the bargain that comes once a year only. It can be time consuming and stressful. But parents do it for their loved children even when they know that the excitement of that special surprise on Christmas morning will too soon fade away and the new shiny coveted gift will take its place among the collection of gifts from years past long forgotten.

But there are gifts all fathers can give their children that are priceless, enduring, and far more valuable than anything money can buy. These gifts may not be received with the excitement and anticipation of a nicely wrapped gift on Christmas morning. These gifts may not even be desired when they are given. But I'm convinced that they will be appreciated long after they are given. So, what are those gifts any father can give their children that have lasting value?

1. The gift of time
2. The gift of unconditional love
3. The gift of knowing they are loved
4. The gift of happiness
5. The gift of patience
6. The gift of hope in the future
7. The gift of gratitude
8. The gift of hard work
9. The gift of righteousness
10. The gift of faith in God and Jesus Christ

Those are some of the gifts I've received from my father. What gifts have you received from your dad that are of enduring value?

Things To Be Grateful For as a Father

• A little one that says "I Love You Daddy"
• Finding a 'love note' on the pillow from a little boy or girl.
• A child to reminds us about what's most important in life.
• A wife to gently bring us back down to reality to help us remember that above all, the most important work we do is at home, not at work.
• Being able to play 'tea party' with a little girl.
• Having one-on-one discussions with a teen.
• Developing patience, faith, hope, and charity dealing with children's challenges.
• Feeling the sweet love of God fill our hearts when we find ourselves pleading on our knees for the welfare of our children.
• Feeling the promptings of the Holy Ghost as we search for answers to bless our children's lives.

The list goes on and on and on....

What are you grateful for as a dad?

"As The Lord Commanded Moses"

Moses ordains Aaron and his sons to minister to Israel

In Exodus chapter 40 we read about the raising of the tabernacle. The pattern here seems quite instructive both at a personal level and at a family level. I wanted to share this because I think this is particularly instructive and relevant to our role as fathers. Read verses 17-38.

• Moses reared the Tabernacle as the Lord had commanded him.
• Moses finished the work.
• A cloud covered the tent.
• The glory of God filled the Tabernacle.
• The cloud and the fire guided the house of Israel "throughout all their journeys."

Some parallels for fathers to ponder...

• We are rearing families unto God.
• God has given us instructions as to how to do so and how to conduct our lives to be successful in this work.
• We are to do as the Lord has commanded us. As we do as he has commanded...
• The glory of God (intelligence, light, and truth) can fill our homes (or tabernacles).
• God can give us His 'cloud' or guidance through the Holy Ghost to guide us through all our journeys.

I'd like to hear your insights.

Father Profiles: Meet my friend Tony!

Kathi and Tony in front of the Grand Hotel
Mackinaw Island, MI

Tony Vernaci is not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, but attends Kensington, a non-denominational Christian Church in Lake Orion, MI. I invited him to share his thoughts on fatherhood because he exemplifies what any father of any faith ought to emulate as a father. Tony has had a long and successful career in manufacturing, operations, and globalization. Tony, an avid runner, just ran the Detroit marathon. Tony is a dedicated father of four children and lives with his wife Kathi in Rochester Hills, MI.

MF: Tell us about your family
TV: We have a blended family because I was married before for nine years and from that I have two boys, Mike, who is 29, and Chris who is 26. After my divorce, Kathi and I met, dated for about three years, got married and then had two kids of our own, TJ who is 20 and Chelsea, who is 17. The nice thing is that blended families present a challenge. If you come to my home you'll see our pictures are family pictures, it's all six of us. And that wasn't just posing for the photographer, Mike and Chris lived in St. Louis Missouri but they would fly up twice a month to be with us. And they did that for 13 years. They'd spend the summer with us, vacation with us. We'd plan vacations around when we could all be together as a family.

MF: How old we're your boys when you divorced?
TV: Mike was 4 and Chris about 1 and a half.

MF: What was it like to be a single father? What did you learn during that time when you were a single father?
TV: I had seen other people that went through similar situations and saw that when they were now single, they were not going home to a family, they were going to their own apartment and started hanging out with the boys, hanging out at the bar. Prior to my divorce I wouldn't think twice about joining the guys for a drink every once in a while but after my divorce I thought 'you know what, that's too dangerous.' Because if I didn't get home before midnight there wasn't anyone at home to ask 'were have you been?' So I decided to stop going to bars and flat out stopped going out with the boys. There was too much risk in that. I had seen people destroy their lives, lose their jobs, just a lot of bad things happened so I stayed away from that.

The other thing was that I would go to church prior to the divorce but only occasionally. But after the divorce I wanted to give Mike and Chris a religious foundation. So I started taking them with me to church on Sunday and going myself. I was still in Missouri, small town just outside of St. Louis. So I wanted to put a good foundation in their life.

MF: Did you start attending church mostly for them or for you also?
TV: For both actually. I had grown up Catholic, had a catholic education and in the catholic church, divorce is grounds for excommunication. So it was a tough decision and I wondered what would be the effect on the boys but if nothing else, with all the other craziness around the divorce, which was not fun, I needed to put some structure and foundation for both of our lives.

MF: As you remarried and started another family, what did you did you learn that helped you as a father?
TV: When I married the first time I was 18.  Mike was born when I was 23 so I was very young. I was more self-centered. I loved them, no question about that. But I do think it was mostly about me. Now, with Kathi, and TJ and Chelsea, I feel like I understand more the role of the father, how important that is, and what I should do and shouldn't do. Although I have not yet perfected the role of being a father by any means. But I think I've learned it's about sacrifice and unconditional love and putting other people before you.

Also, Kathi and I decided to send the kids through a Christian education because as good as the public schools are, it didn't give them the Christian foundation that we wanted them to have. I'm very glad we did that though there is a trade off. I'm sacrificing the plasma screen in the hallway for a bible in the classroom. I'm not afraid to have the word of God in the daily conversation in the classroom.

MF: What would you say is your biggest joy as a father?

TV: To see my kids grow and develop, to give them coaching (to them it's lecturing), and guidance and then overtime seeing those things start to resonate and sink in and develop around those same values. Whether its work ethics, faith, managing money, making good decisions. So, it's seeing them develop is a joy and then seeing them go onto their next phase in their life. Specially for my kids because I have such a range. My daughter Chelsea is 17 and Mike is 29 and there's is two in between. So I get to see the spectrum, not like a younger family where you are still wondering how is this is all going to come out. So, it's neat to see that.

MF: How has your faith influenced your role as a father and your relationship with your family?
TV: Even after my divorce, when I was going to church, I was just checking the box, I was just filling a seat in the pew, I wasn't really engaging my heart and soul with what was around me. And you know, they say God has a funny way of bringing you to your knees. Well, in 2000, there was a lot of turmoil in the economy, we had two homes, one we thought would sell fast, so we bought the new one before we sold the old one and ended up with two houses for about 13 months, big mistake. So I was down and so concerned about my job because the company where I was working had been sold and things weren't good. And so I was scared, and Kathi gave me a couple of books to read. One was the Bible and others about Christ and the love of Christ and it really helped me to understand my role as a father. Because my role, the way I see it today is really no different than the role of the Heavenly Father. Now, I'm not putting myself in that same line, but my point is that there are some times when our kids disappoint us. You do things for them and you may not feel like there is an appreciation. You wish they would behave differently but they do something else, and you think 'they just don't get it.' but then you sit down and think and realize that we do that to God every day. We may not give thanks before you have a meal and it's a gift he has given us. The clothes on our back, the car we drove here, the home we live in, I mean, if you think about it, we are showered with gifts every day and do we always recognize he is the giver of all that we have? We don't. And then we don't treat people the way we should or we are not honest in all our words. So it's given me a better perspective of how God looks upon us and our behavior and I think that's my role as a dad, to treat my kids the same way with unconditional love, you love the sinner but you hate the sin. And you have to be patient with them. There will be times that as teenagers they won't necessarily come to you for the advice when you wish they would and you just have to be patient with them and open the door for them and welcome them back again. So it's really opened up my eyes and changed my perspective.

MF: I know you make breakfast for your kids. What are some other traditions you have developed to foster your relationship with them?

TV: When we first got married we were boaters, so we'd spend our weekends over on Lake St. Clair. Golfing was never a sport that interested me, plus I didn't want to take more time away from the family. So we boated for ten years over there. It was good family entertainment. And to this day every one of my kids will say that when they have their families and get settled, they want to have a boat and want to take their kids out on a boat. Growing up, my dad had a house boat on the Mississippi and that's where my love for boats comes from, because I remember those weekends with my dad on the boat. So, those kinds of things we love. And then, we vacation together. We take trips together. They don't have to be trips to Hawaii, they can be quick trips up north, or go down to Cedar Point for a day. And then I try to give the kids time individually. So, TJ and I will go to a hockey game. Actually, Chelsea likes hockey too, so she and I will go to a game. And I love those nights out with them, we'll go out for a burger someplace and go to a hockey game and Chelsea whom you might not think had any interest in sports at all enjoys doing that. So I try to have that individual time with them. It's hard with a bigger family. It doesn't have to be every week but you have to set aside the time somewhere to be with the kids individually, even if it's shopping for school supplies.

MF: Have there been other dads you have come to admire and why?
TV: Kathi's sister is married to a guy who is a terrific dad. He has deep roots in his faith. Recently they experienced cancer. I've known them for many years. He is someone I have a lot of respect for.

Two other guys that were very influential were Ted Harris, a business associate. One day he came to pick up a check because he did work for us as a vendor. So I gave him the check and as he was leaving he turned around and said 'hey, there is a handful of guys that get together every Tuesday in my office, kind of a small Bible study, if you want and come join us.' I had always been very internalized about my faith, so it was uncomfortable, but I started going to that and it really helped me grow a lot. I saw the way Ted raised his family. He had challenges in his family but he was a wonderful man of God, and a great, great father through all the challenges he had.

And then my doctor, Joe. Who I met through Ted. He led a small Bible study at Woodside Bible church, he was the group leader for that, so Joe and I have become very close through Ted.

Those are guys I have pretty high regard for. The funny thing is that as much as I admire these guys, there are also people that I've seen that do things that I think are terribly wrong. And so you learn from that too. For instance I saw some of that through my parents divorce. Things I didn't want to repeat. So you learn, even from the bad examples.

MF: What would you say to a new dad, what would be your advice?
TV: Even though we sent our kids to Christian school, we say a prayer before each meal, and we love going to church, now more than ever before, the one thing we didn't do was to necessarily sit down to read the Bible together. And it wasn't because I felt like they were getting that at school, so the job is done. But I can see a difference in families we've observed throughout the years, that spend time, and it doesn't have to be a long time, it can be 15 minutes a day, maybe at meal time. That meal time together is valuable. For busy families, it's hard to do but whenever you can, have a meal together and spend quality time together. It's hard but you've got to make the effort because life will give you too many excuses to not do what you really should do. I just had this conversation with one of my sons I said, tithe to the church, just make it part of your budget, that's what you do first. Save for your kid's college and be in the word. Not in that order necessarily, but that will be the best foundation to build your family and your future on.

When Your Life Flashes Before You

Maybe you have had one of those experiences when your life flashes before you in an instant, and things suddenly become crystal clear.

That was the experience of Ric Elias who was onboard flight 1549 when it had to emergency land on the Hudson River. Take 5 minutes to hear what three things he learned during that experience.

My Girl is Delighted, My Son is Embarrassed...All on the Same Day!

With Camille during her Halloween
party at school.

My little girl was so happy to see me. She was so proud of the costume and candy bag her mom had made for her. Her little face beamed with joy when she saw me come into her classroom for her Halloween party and she was happy to be in my arms for this picture.

Just a few minutes later, I went to my son's high school to hand deliver what he needed to have for driver's ed. Yes, the time has arrived! Which partly explains what happened next. He was waiting for me out in front. When he saw me park, he promptly came toward me as if to say 'just give me the stuff and go!' When I got out of the car, his eyes got big. I could tell what he was thinking 'what are you doing? Get back in the car!' I told him I wanted to see his teacher and he said 'you are NOT going to my classroom are you?' I said 'yes I am!' with a smile. He reacted 'Nooo! Oh my gosh, this is going to be so awkward!' So, I asked point blank 'what? Are you embarrassed to be seen with your father?' upon which he promptly and without qualms or hesitation said 'YEEES!' with that sassy intonation of the voice that is so familiar and annoying in teenagers these days.

Now, I have to confess...I was totally expecting this response, just not this 'loud and clear' if you know what I mean. I realize not all children react that way, and I hope some of my children won't. But, as I remember feeling the same way as a teenager, I saw this one coming.

So, what's a father to do?

Well, for one, enjoy every minute they still let you hug them, kiss them, and hold their hand. Time goes by too quickly and they are kids only once.

Second, find meaningful ways to spend time with the older ones. Adjust to what their preference is whether playing a sport, listening to their music (yes, I know, that one is tough but I actually have expanded my appreciation for music!), or talking about whatever they like. It may not be quite the same as a hug but I have learned to enjoy it almost as much.

Third, no matter what, really love them and show it. I think there is no substitute for love. While I'd prefer my son didn't get embarrassed, I understand and I don't get upset about it. I still love him dearly.

As children grow, they want to be treated as big people, not as little people any more. That doesn't mean we can't love them just as much. It just means we find new, different ways to love them just the same. I suspect, the embarrassment will continue. But I hope one day, after this phase is over, they will once again be proud to be seen with their dad. In the meantime, I have work to do!

Should I Stay or Should I Go? It's a Choice!

It's the end of another long day. You have one more call to make, one last document to review, one more email message, one more client to see, one more task to finish. One more thing that just cannot wait until tomorrow. Why not?

Why not? Well, there is always a reason (usually many) why that one thing cannot wait and has to be done tonight, before we go home. Home to a cold dinner. Home to sleeping kids. Home to a wife too used to the routine to say anything about it any more. Home only to unwind by watching the late night news or some other thing on TV while we multitask and prepare for yet another day. Another day of hard work to make a living but hardly living life.

In a blog post by prolific author Ron Ashkenas, titled Should You Stay Late or Go Home, he argues that if you really love what you do and your family is 'understanding' then it's ok to work late. That may be comforting for some. But not for the overwhelming majority of the men whose comments I read. Most of these comments were from dads who said they wished they could come home at a more reasonable hour to be more with their families. And yet, many felt they could not afford it, specially in a down economy.

Larry Wimmer, my Econ 101 professor, taught me that there are only three have-to's in life, three things we absolutely have to do, and that for everything else, there was always a choice. Always. What are those three things?

1. We have to die. No escaping that one!
2. We have to make choices. Even not choosing is a choice! And...
3. We have to live with the consequences of those choices. 

So, there it is. We have a choice. Think about it. We can choose not to close that sale, we can choose not to take that one more call. We can choose to write that email the next day. We can choose to finish that presentation in the morning. Why not? That's the question. Is it to impress the boss? Is it to look good during the performance reviews? Is it to qualify for the bonus? Why not? Really!

The real question is not whether we can or cannot afford to work longer hours. It's whether we can afford to live with the consequences.

My wife has a print in our bedroom that reads "In the end, it won't matter how big a house you had or how much money you made or what kind of car you drove, but whether you made a difference in the life of a child."

Let's choose to make a difference!

Dads and Home Work...Are You Pulling Your Weight?

The Fall issue of the BYU Marriott Alumni Magazine includes an article titled By the Numbers, Home Work. The article made me reflect again on the distribution of work in the home. You can see the detail in the article but here is a summary...

• 7,300 = The number of diaper changes in the first two years of a baby's life.
• 405 = The hours a mom spends behind the wheel each year.
• 22 & 10 = The hours per week a college-educated mother (22) and a college-educated father (10) spend caring for their children.
• 330 = The loads of laundry an average family needs washed annually (more than six loads per week).
• $20,415 = The value of household tasks dads typically perform a year. I assume this is for all dads, most of which are employed.

The last fact peeked my curiosity so I did a quick search and found this from a blog in CBS's moneywatch.com. According to Amy Levin-Epstein, "the total average annual value for the work done by stay-at-home moms was $115,432, while for working moms, it was $63,472." Read article.

Hmmm. Let me think....(doing calculations in my head...). Though I believe times have changed and many dads now days change more diapers than ever before, take their turn doing the laundry, and spend more time (than perhaps the previous generation) with their children in a variety of ways (and all of that is great!), it looks like most of the weight of the Home Work still falls on the shoulders of the moms.

Now, now, I'm not suggesting for a moment that we need a role reversal (thought that would be an interesting experiment...see my post Don't Be Long Mama!), nor am I suggesting that dads and moms should divvy up the Home Work pie exactly in half. By divine design, fathers and mothers have different roles. But I do think that generally, dads can do more to contribute to the work at home. I know I can.

So, what can you do to create a real Home team with you wife? I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas.

Treasures From My Father

My parents on the St. Clair River between
the U.S. and Canada. St. Clair, MI

During a recent visit by my parents, whom we don't get to see often, I took them on a walk along the river. I learned new things and I grew to appreciate my father even more. I had questions about his early years as a father, his career choices, his service in the church, and the eventual decision to uproot his family from Mexico and come to the US to start a new life.

As a young man I wasn't always interested in my dad as I am now. His life seemed uninteresting to me, as it might be with many young children. As an adult, I have come to appreciate him by more than just providing the necessities of life. So, we walked as I asked, and listened to him. He shared with me about his life lessons, his motivations for key decisions in his life, his determination to accomplish the many things he has accomplished, his faith in God, and his love for my mother and his children.

It was like opening a treasure chest and discovering precious jewels that had always been there, I just had never opened the chest. And truthfully, I wish I had discovered some of these things earlier. I wish that I had taken the time earlier to listen, to learn, to grow. I love my father dearly, and that morning I felt so much closer to him. I thank him for his example, for his love, and for his willingness to share.

If you still have your father around, don't wait. Visit with him or call him now and take the time to open that treasure chest. Ask him questions, listen, learn, and treasure up these things in your heart.

If you are a father, take the time to share. Wait for the right moment and share of your experience, wisdom, and of your love, with your child or grandchild. You may just share the greatest treasure he or she has ever found.

As for me, I hope to have many more of these opportunities. I have much to learn still. And somehow I think there is more in that treasure chest that I have not yet discovered. For all of that, I am grateful for my wonderful father.

Slow Down, Get Your Family Back

Do you spend your weekends driving from activity to activity? Are your family dinners hostage to soccer, or dance, or football, or some other kind of practice? Do you feel you are running so fast you don't have time to slow down and enjoy your family?

If so, you are not alone! It turns out, there is such a thing as a 'slow family movement.' Yes, a few days ago the USA Today published an article titled 'Slow family' movement focuses on fewer outside activities. The group promotes just that, slowing down as a family and take the time to 'just be' and enjoy your family more. It's a good piece and it made reflect on this important issues.

When we as parents feel like we have to enroll our kids into every activity under the sun, it doesn't take much to fall into hyper activity mode. For families with more than two or three children, just one activity per child can mean hectic weekends and weeknights. So how do we manage?

• First, give up the idea that kids 'need' to be enrolled in extracurricular activities. What happened to unstructured just-chill time? Challenge the notion that structured activities are a need. Think about what children really need in the long run. Do they need another trophy or a relationship with mom, dad, siblings? 
• Second, be choosy as to what you will and will not do and set the expectation with the children. It may be that they only participate in one activity per year. Or maybe you decide not to overlap more than a certain number of activities during any given time. 
• Third, schedule down time. Just like dating your wife requires scheduling, the same might be true of spending 'slow time' with the family when all can just be together and be spontaneous.
• Fourth, create traditions that promote togetherness such as family home evening, family dinner, night-time rituals as you put kids to bed, etc.

Life is already complicated as it. We often add to that complexity. Whatever you do to slow down, at the very least, let us turn off the phone, the TV, and other distractions to see, hear, and enjoy our family members a little more each day.

As children grow older and become more independent, it is increasingly difficult to spend downtime as a family. That's why creating early habits and traditions of spending family down time is critical to long-term healthy family relationships they can cherish for years to come.

So, what do you do or what ideas do you have for family down time? I'd love to hear from you!!

Photo by freedigitalphotos.net

How to Raise a Little Girl...

Elain S. Dalton

General Young Women President

Church of Jesus Christ

of Latter-Day Saints

I am working on my General Conference advice to fathers post. But I couldn't wait to write my thoughts about Sister Dalton's wonderful and timely message to dads! How luckier can a dad get?!?

So, here are my notes from her talk (I was writing feverishly!), not all verbatim. I know I missed some, but here is what I have. Please share your thoughts!

• The best a dad can do for his daughter is to love her mother
• Live after the manner of happiness
• Show her a good example
• Be the model of the kind of man she should marry
• Take her to the temple when she is 12
• Protect her
• Be a guardian of virtue
• Have clean thoughts
• Eliminate anything that is nor virtuous
• Have personal purity
• Interview her periodically
• Know her friends
• Share your testimony

Let us be guardians of virtue and love our wife brethren! As we think of our precious daughters, let us remember Elder Holland's warning that "a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step...so, watch your step!"

As Sister Dalton said "Rise up, O Men of God!" and as the hymn adds "have done with lesser things."

General Conference: A Time for a Father's Renewal

This is the weekend many of us wait for with anticipation. General Conference is such a wonderful time. Last April I posted timely advice to fathers from General Conference. Today and tomorrow we have another opportunity to receive direction and instruction from our Father in heaven through His chosen prophets, seers, and revelators.

• What will be said?
• How will that change my life?
• How will that help me as a father?

The answer to the first question is predictable. Chances are we won't hear anything that is very different from what has been said before. That doesn't mean it's not important or that we should discount it (as President Uchtdorf said).

The answer to the other two questions is entirely up to us individually; it depends what we are looking for. If we listen passively or just snooze, we may not hear what the Lord intends for us to get. If we go with a prayer in our heart and with specific questions and needs we need addressed, it is much more likely we will benefit greatly (like noticing water sources when we are thirsty).

So, to repeat President Uchtdorf's message in the September issue of the Ensign:

1. Members of the Church are entitled to personal revelation as they listen to and study the inspired words spoken at general conference. I believe fathers have a special need to receive such revelation. Revelation of course, can come on Saturday just as much as on Sunday. 
2. Don’t discount a message merely because it sounds familiar. Our children may discount our constant reminders at home (say your prayers, read your scriptures, use the laundry bin, clean your room, etc.) but we cannot afford to do the same.
3. The words spoken at general conference should be a compass that points the way for us during the coming months. So, what will you do as a result? How will you make it a compass?

Enjoy conference!

Who Has the Secret to a Happy Marriage?

Photo by FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Interesting article in today's USA Today titled "Some couples pull back from the edge of divorce." It's scary to think, as the article suggests, that when economic conditions improve divorce rate might go up. Expensive divorce is a lousy reason to stay together. But if that's one reason, why not others?

Why do couples divorce? According to the USA Today's poll of 866 divorcing couples, here are the top five factors cited for their divorce:

1. Growing apart (55%)
2. Unable to talk together (52.7%)
3. How spouse handles money (40.3%)
4. Spouse's personal problems (36.8%)
5. Not enough attention (34.1%) / Infidelity almost in a tie (34%)

Surely in most cases divorce is a result of a combination of many factors. So, without minimizing the complexity and serious nature of the issues involved, the question remains: Is it that hard to overcome these issues?

The common view of marriage as a 50/50 proposition inevitably fails because we always judge others based on their behavior and ourselves based on our intent. That view leads us to consistently maximize our virtue and goodness while minimizing our spouse's. Overtime, this perspective becomes our reality:

"My spouse is imperfect and doesn't even try. I'm not perfect either but at least I try!"

No wonder people grow apart and trade dialogue for silence. No wonder money becomes a platform for the struggle manifests itself. No wonder our spouse has issues! No wonder people don't give each other enough attention. No wonder our spouse looks less and less attractive and another person more and more. No wonder divorce eventually looks like the only alternative. That is, unless divorce is too expensive and then we just put up with the situation until we can afford it.

But what about the children? 

As fathers we have a duty to them. Not a duty as in an obligation, but a duty of love. It's been said that one of the best things a man could do for his children is to love their mother. True love. 

Is it possible? YES! Is it always easy? NO! Is it worth it? You'd better believe it!!

In an Ensign article titled "Repentance and Forgiveness in Marriage" Richard Miller discusses factors that strengthen marriage. The list of factors is interesting when compared with the USA Today's poll. Check this out:

1. Repent (but repent of what? I don't have a problem!)
2. Apologize sincerely (apologize for what, besides, she still hasn't apologized for whatever she does every day!)
3. Strive to improve (improve what? I'm an ok guy, I fulfill my callings, I go to church. I'm a good dad!)
4. Overcome pride (none of that here!)
5. Forgive (yes, there is plenty to forgive but she first needs to ask for it)
6. Let go of the hurt (not so fast! She needs to repent first)
7. Rely on the Atonement (hmm?)

So what's the first step? Recognize we have a problem that is worth correcting. None of this works if WE don't face the fact that WE have a problem; that in many cases, WE are the problem. Of course, she does have issues too. Plenty perhaps. But that's beside the point.

So, do the right and let the consequence follow. Who knows, but that when you let Christ into the relationship again, you might find your wife to be the most beautiful and pleasant person to be around, even if she hasn't changed at all!

And that may be the best gift of all to our children in the long run.

Lessons From My Kids and Their Lemonade Stand

Camille (CEO) and Joshua (CFO)
leading their first enterprise, a
lemonade stand.

As it often happens, my children taught me a lesson today. You see, children don't know that somethings are not possible, logical, practical, or even common sense.

But today my two youngest ones insisted that they wanted to set a lemonade stand in our driveway. Today, in 61 degree weather. OK, so it was a beautiful mostly sunny day, but not exactly peak lemonade-stand season. But being an entrepreneur myself, I wasn't about to get in the way of their of their first business venture.

Sales revenues: $10.35.
Well above forecast!

So, we made the lemonade. I helped them make the sign, we set up the table, chairs for them to sit and attract customers (many stopped just because they looked so sweet!). And out they went to sell lemonade. They waved at drivers, runners, dog-walkers, and anyone that passed by. And, yes, they sold several cups of lemonade, $10.35 worth of it. Yes, many people were most generous and I was so grateful for their gesture of kindness. But my kids did sell lemonade. So, what did I learn?

1. Sometimes practicality has nothing to do with success.
2. Have a vision, even it if seems impossible.
3. You don't know what can be accomplished until you try it.
4. Feel the fear and do it anyways. My kids are naturally shy but today they forgot about that.
5. Don't take 'no' for an answer. I told them all the reasons why not to do it. They didn't care!
6. Ignore the odds. I fully expected that maybe two or three people would actually stop. But I was surprised to see how many did.
7. Have fun at what you do, your customers will appreciate it and reward you for it.

The other lesson I learned or was reminded of was that I need to support my children in worthwhile endeavors and encourage their dreams. I didn't know I could learn so much from helping my kids with a lemonade stand. And oh, how I did enjoy it!

Don't Be Long Mama!

My beautiful queen and
princess wearing their rightful
crowns I made for them.
OK, Kelly's didn't quite turn
out, but she wore it anyway!

A few days ago, we had one of those hectic days with lots to do in the evening. It worked out that Kelly had to be out while I stayed home to manage the afternoon all by myself!

Coordinate kitchen clean up after dinner, homework help for at least 3 of our children, responding to the constant 'dad this' 'dad that' and 'daddy, daddy, can you help me?' Not to mention making lunches and getting the kids ready for bed (we call it PDP, a spanish acronym for the three critical tasks before going to bed, you figure it out), and there was some laundry to be folded. Ah, and of course, family scripture study, the last thing we do before going to bed.

Well, my dear wife came home and though we were almost all ready, the kitchen wasn't completely clean, some homework was still left undone, and the lunches were probably not prepared up to specifications. Needless to say, I was glad when she came home!

Now, I like to fancy myself that I do a lot around the house and that I pull my weight. That may be true. But pulling five children's weight is a totally different thing. And my dear wife does it every day! Yes, I help, I'm there and it works out fine. But often, all too often, because of business travel, church meetings, or something else, I'm out of the house like she was that particular evening. She never complains, she never even tells me how hectic it is, she never quits. She will tell me she is tired when I ask how she is doing. And so am I. But my usual tiredness is nothing compared to how I felt that evening. Thank you mama! And next time, please don't be long! I can't really do it without you.

To you fathers out there. Try it once (at least). Stay home the way she does every day. Do it all, like she does it every day. Chances are you will love her even more and appreciate more what she does every day.

And to you mothers out there. Don't be long mama...because we need you!

Training Wheels are Off!

On his own for the first time!

Few things compare with the joy of watching a baby take her first steps or a little boy ride his bike without training wheels for the first time.

This past weekend I had one such joy! My little Josh wanted me to help him ride his bike without training wheels...I said YES! with excitement. After all, I remember a couple of years ago when Camille (then 5) learned to do the same thing. It was magical!

It's an amazing thing to see how they learn so quickly to coordinate their body movements and balance themselves on two wheels. When they realize they are on their own, they become afraid, distracted, and sometimes they fall. Luckily for Josh, I was holding onto his jacket so I could pull him up if he lost his balance. Still he was a bit nervous at first, even though he was wearing knee and elbow pads, and of course, his helmet. But he, like his siblings before, gained confidence quickly and couldn't contain his excitement when he realized that he could do it. He yelled "I'm doing it dad!"

It made me think about all the protection we as fathers can and should provide our children so they can become effective free agents one step at a time. Here are some training wheels I received from my own father and that I've learn to appreciate as a father...

• Regular father interviews
• Family Home Evenings
• Dinner time conversations
• Daddy dates with children
• Working together
• Reading scriptures together

Some day those training wheels will no longer be there. Children will be on their own, attending college, serving missions, working, or starting their own families. Will they be able to say 'I'm doing it dad!'? I pray everyday that they will. I'm sure it will be an even greater joy to see them then, as it is now; even if we have to encourage them, give them confidence, and perhaps steady them a bit when they lose their balance momentarily.

What Would I Do?

I recently saw this video (which many have seen by now) about a special father. It's a sad and beautiful story of tragedy, faith, and forgiveness. As a father myself, knowing how I adore my children and how terrible it would be to have one of them gone, the message of the video left me pondering...

• What would I do?
• How would I feel toward the responsible person?
• Would I let go?
• Would I forgive?

I hope to avoid this kind of experience but the truth is, we don't know. And it may not be a tragedy like this. Yet, how do we respond in less painful situations? 

I am still thinking...what would I do? I am praying fervently, that I may be ready. It would be the hardest thing but I think it's the only course.

Watch for yourself...

Fore more uplifting messages like this, check the mormon channel on YouTube.

Gifts From the Mission Field

Young men serve for 2 years as
missionaries for the church.

Recently I came across a Business Week article published in June 2011 titled God's MBAs: Why Mormon Missions Produce Leaders. The authors highlighted the disproportionate number of influential mormons (members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) in major corporations, academia, and government (e.g. Stephen Covey, Mitt Romney, Clay Christensen, etc.). The central hypothesis is that the 2-year missionary experience, which all LDS young men are expected to serve, and which many do serve, explains the success rate of these high profile and others less famous names but highly successful people.

The article is interesting in its own right and there could be a lot of good discussion from it. But what I believe is a more important legacy of a two-year mission for a young man who has faithfully served a mission, is how it prepares him for fatherhood. I recognize that 1) there are excellent fathers who didn't serve missions (or are LDS for that matter), 2) that effective fatherhood is a result of many other factors as well, and 3) that missionary service does not guarantee good fatherhood. Yet, there is no denying the many 'gifts' or 'treasures' that LDS fathers can receive from their missionary service. Here are a few:

1. Relying on the power of prayer and trusting in God's grace
2. Selfless service to others
3. Discipline, persistence, and hard work
4. Solid understanding of the plan of salvation and the role of families in the plan
5. Dealing with adversity and disappointment
6. Learning to listen and to be guided by the Holy Spirit
7. People skills such as listening, empathy, teaching others, etc.
8. Sense of direction and focus in life and personal responsibility
9. Maturity and perspective about what's really important
10. Becoming a good partner and friend

Surely there are other gifts. What is your experience? How have you seen missionary service prepare someone for fatherhood? I welcome your comments.

New Beginnings: Five Perfect Opportunities For Fathers

Josh holding on to mom after he
changed his mind at the bus stop.

Today was the first day of school for our children. As would be expected, there were mixed feelings about starting not only a new year, but making new friends, facing new learning, going onto the next level of education, and all the anxiety and excitement that comes with that.

Joshua had his first day of school ever! He was all excited until he saw the school bus and then he decided there were too many people on the bus and he wanted mom to drive him to school! His day ended on a very good note however and he came home happy to be a kindergartener.

Whether it be a new school year, starting a new job, moving to a new house, welcoming a new baby, getting married, you name it, we face many new beginnings quite often. Some are big, some are small in terms of their impact. But all are important to those who face such changes; and a great opportunity for us as fathers to bless the lives of our children (young and old, and our spouses). Here are some ideas...

1. Boost their confidence, take the time to reassure them of their abilities and capabilities as it might be natural for them to feel uneasy about their new experience. Help them use their strengths to find ways to manage the newness of the experience.
2. Invite them to rely on their Heavenly Father through prayer and seeking His guidance. These are great opportunities for them to increase in faith and in humility.
3. Invite them to talk about how they feel as they start their new adventure. Talking can help them discover insights that can help their social, physical, emotional, and spiritual development. Dinner as a family is a perfect time for that!
4. Listen and observe how they adapt to the new experience. Sometimes our urge is to give counsel or to suggest ideas. Give them space and just watch and listen. It's amazing what we can discover if we open our eyes and ears.
5. Bless them! As you feel prompted, use your priesthood authority to give them a priesthood blessing. On Sunday, as we put the kids to bed, our 7-year old Camille said to me "Dad, those blessings were very nice!" referring to the blessing they had all received earlier that day.

Growing up, it was my mother that did the first four things mostly, as I suspect is common in most families. But as fathers we have the privilege to bless our children's lives in these important transitions. It's just a matter of time and will. Let us make the time to help our children as they face new situations. They will appreciate it for a life time.

That's the Way to Watch a Movie

Camille and I watching a movie

I guess it is unusual (for some at least) that we don't have TV service,  or cable, or dish. Never have, probably never will. But we do enjoy watching movies as a family (thank you Netflix, Hulu, and Redbox!).

Yes, the kids watch movies on their own (pre-selected of course!) but whenever I'm around, Camille always asks me to sit next to her and watch the movie with her.

You see, for her, watching a movie just isn't the same if dad is not next to her hugging her and cuddling. And I'm happy to confess...I don't mind it one bit! In fact, I love it!!

So, I usually have Camille on one side, Josh on the other. But particularly for my little girl, that is what makes the movie watching experience even better, dad sitting next to her, all cozy. To that add popcorn and twizzlers. Now, that's the way to watch a movie!

Of course, I like a good movie, but to me it's more than just entertainment, it's a way to connect and to bond, a way to say 'I love you my little girl!'

Favorite movies? Hmmm, here are a few...
Jakob the Liar
Fiddler on the Roof
Sound of Music
Elf
Nacho Libre
Life is beautiful
Remember the Titans
Letters to God
Tangled
Home Alone
Toy Story 3
Sister Act
G-Force
Radio
National Treasure (both of them)
Close Encouters
E.T.
Rocky (all of them)
Forever Strong
The Karate Kid (all of them, including the newest one)
Zorro
The Princess Bride
...

Too many to list!

Happiness From Being a Dad

At church I heard a good brother testify that happiness stems mostly from our family relationships and our roles as members of a family unit. I believe that is one of the reasons God designed the family unit, to help us learn how to be truly happy. And that is true for dads as some men reminded me this weekend.

Yesterday during a stake sponsored activity, a friend of mine was carrying his little boy on his shoulders, his two beautiful little girls running around him pulling on his hands and shirt. He seemed quite happy with his beautiful children.

Today at church, I saw one happy father. He was holding his little boy (probably just a few months old) in his arms. He cradled him as he sat during church and soon the little boy was sound asleep comfortably resting on the arms of his dad. I love that sight.

This is the real thing...they

were all hanging from dad

even if only for a split second!

I think they'll hang on to him

for a lot longer than that.

Then I saw this picture on Facebook of my brother-in-law with all five of his kids hanging off him with the caption "I told my wife that I would know that I'm old when I can't carry all my children at the same time. I'm not old yet!" His happy countenance is an indication of his happiness as a father, not to mention his satisfaction knowing he's not 'old' yet! (which he wanted me to point out in exchange for his permission to use this picture!).

In all cases, these are outstanding fathers and husbands, and great examples of the happiness that comes from those two most important roles. For me that happiness is greater than anything I have ever experienced and worth any sacrifice. I would not trade it for the world!

Boys Will Be Boys?

Note: this post was written the first week of August during an all LDS Scout Encampment but for some reason wasn't published as I thought it was.

Over 800 LDS Boy Scouts and Leaders at Camp Rotary
ready to start church services.

Being with a group of nearly 900 Boy and Venture Scouts, all LDS is a sight to behold. It's a time for friendship, a time for learning, a time for teaching, a time for adventure, and a time to have fun!

And there is no better way to do it than with your own sons. So here I am with my to oldest sons and savoring every moment like a well cooked filet mignon! (unless you are vegetarian of course!). Seeing dads with their boys is such a nice thing to see but what's touched me deeply is seeing dads who are here even when they have no sons to hang out with. Hats off to all of them, especially those without boys. They are here out of love. I hope my boys recognize that.

Most adult men here reach out to young men and become role models. They sacrifice their time, energy, and resources to be here in the hot, humid summer days with boys that will some day hopefully do the same for other boys, maybe their boys.

Thank you Greg, Steve, Everett, and all those who have gone before and who will go hereafter to these camps to provide leadership, friendship, and love to my boys and to all boys. Because as someone said at one of the firesides, "boys will be boys? No, boys will be men" and I will add, boys will be dads!

Missing it already…but there is more to look forward to

My little Josh still loves to cuddle
with dad.

It was a rant, well, not really but my kids may have thought it was. It went like this…

"Parker doesn't like me to hug him any more, Luke, lets me but he doesn't hug me back, Helaman…nope. The only one that still hugs me is Camille and Joshua. Parker still let me hold his hand just a year ago but now…he'll slap my hand if I even try! You guys have grown and changed!"

My little Josh still loves to hug me and cuddle with me. So does Camille. But soon, they too will change. They grow. They change. One day they wake up and realize it's weird to hug dad, to hold his hand, to sit on his lap, to be kissed by him.

Nothing compares to the feeling of holding a little hand, pressing your cheeks against a soft chubby little cheek, or cradling a little child in your arms while telling him or her a story that makes them laugh or giggle.

Maybe not everyone enjoys it like I do. But I venture to say that most dads feel a twinge of loss, longing, even sadness, when they realize their little boy or princess has grown up and have changed. I do. That's why every day I enjoy each moment with my children. I hope it's not smothering. But I take every chance I can to hug them, kiss them, have them on my lap, tickle them, hold their hand. That is, until they grow and no longer accept such affection.

The other day, my oldest son (15) said to me "dad, can we go throw the ball later today?" In my mind's eye I saw a cute little boy (he was very cute and chubby as a toddler) pulling on my hand with his little hand asking me to play with him. Then it dawned on me!

I said 'yes!' readily. And though it wasn't the feeling of his soft chubby hand, I felt a similar sense of satisfaction and happiness, and love for my son, who although bigger, taller, stronger, more mature, and with the deep voice of a grown man, he is still my boy. A boy who wanted to be with his dad.

Playing a physical one-on-one basket ball game, or throwing a football is what I have come to enjoy, in a different way, but just as much as hugging him and holding him tight (though I still do that but in a different way).

So while I continue to cherish those precious few moments I have left with my little ones, I will miss my little boys and little princess when they are grown. But I'm learning there is much more to look forward to that can be rich and satisfying. Because a dad will always be a dad.

The Most Enjoyable Things About Family Vacations

Josh and Camille playing in bed
with dad.

We just came back from a long road trip to the Nort East coast of the United States. It was a great experience in many ways.

• It served to unify us as a family as we had to spend 100% of the time together.
• It helped us learn more about working hard and working together to accomplish a mutual objective.
• We learned about the founding of our country and the sacrifices untold thousands made to make our country what it is.
• We learned about patience and delayed gratification.
• We had the chance to reconnect with family and old friends.

The list goes on. But of everything I truly enjoyed, here is my top list:

• Wrestling with Camille and Joshua in bed as they tried to wake me up.
• Boxing and wrestling with Joshua in a real wrestling mat (pictured above).
• Biking with my older boys early in the morning and working out with them.
• Singing to our favorite songs while we drove.
• Seeing my children laugh as they ran around a water fountain getting wet (for free!).

Helaman and Luke during one of our
morning bike rides

The interesting thing is that all of those things are things I can enjoy any time without having to be on vacation or in a particular place. We will go on more trips for sure. But in between I will continue to enjoy the everyday things every day.

I think they enjoy them too!

The miracle of technology!

Granted it might not seem like a literal miracle something we use so often and that's so common place. However, when used to unite families in prayer and scripture study, I think it is awesome!

We arrived at my brother-in-law's house last night, except he wasn't there, only his beautiful family. He is traveling. When it came time to get the kids to bed, they all gathered around the computer and skyped with dad who was in his hotel room ready to start what is evidently a nightly tradition.

As the image of their dad came on the screen, all three children yelled 'daddy!!' and seemed to be ecstatic to see their dad on the screen. They exchanged important information like what they had done during the day and the fact they had these aliens (cousins) in their house to stay for the night, and such things.

We read the scriptures, mom explained some of the verses, and when finished, dad called upon someone to offer the family prayer. It was awesome!

As a frequent traveler myself, I've done it many times, I'm sure you've done it too! In my mind, it's still awesome. And last night it was great to see an awesome dad whose children adore him, being there even without being there. Tonight, when he comes home, the hugs and kisses will abound. And though the physical touch will never be replicated through technology, while dad is away, technology is a miracle that as a dad I am grateful to have.

Father's Day Thoughts...

It's very late but I still wanted to get this in before the end of the day on Father's Day. It's a different kind of post. Perhaps not what you might have expected but here it goes...

Thought One: My kids gave me such a nice day today. I feel very grateful to have such wonderful children. Camille had made this beautiful card with the "Top 10 reasons why I love my dad" and she read each one a couple of times just to make sure I heard them all. I feel very blessed for the opportunity to be a dad and for the children God has sent to our family. I do love being a dad every day!!

Thought Two: One of the speakers in our service today spoke about the legacy her father left for her. She said something that still rings in my ears...something to the effect that her father lived his life as a celebration and a testament to our Heavenly Father. A celebration...joyfully, a way to remember something or someone special, something to look forward to and prepare for. I like that idea about fatherhood. A testament...made me wonder to what degree do I resemble the attributes of our Heavenly Father in my father role? In what ways does my way of being a dad help my children gain a knowledge of and faith in their Heavenly Father? Something I will continue to ponder and act on. Plenty room to improve for sure!

With Camille & Josh

Thought Three: During HPG meeting/class we discussed obedience. Somehow we ended up discussing our roles as fathers and how to teach or help our children learn obedience. Among this diverse group of seasoned and capable men (many of them having served as bishops, stake presidents, temple presidents, HC councilors, seminary teachers, etc. and with a variety of professions such as doctors, engineers, business and sales executives, entrepreneurs, etc.), there were comments about how the different challenges of being fathers today, require a different kind of a father. The exchange was fascinating and it dawned on me that we were all very open to learning from each other and that both old and young have something to learn from one another. Being sort of in the middle, I'm trying to learn from both groups. I think there is much we can learn from others.

My wonderful dad with my
lovely mother

Thought Four: One of my favorite songs is The Living Years by Mike & the Mechanics. It's a great song with lyrics that carry a message that made me act long ago before it was too late. Fortunately, my father is still alive. We have always had a good relationship, and we've also had differences in how we've viewed things. But those are things that we have been able to discuss in the living years. I am grateful we have been open about how we feel. I did get to tell him all the things I had to say, and I don't have any regrets. We are great friends. He is my mentor still. He is my inspiration for much of what I do. I know some day he will no longer be in this world but while he's still here it's not too late to say that there is no frustration, only love and that as a father now, I share your hopes and fears, and that I am glad I get to tell you in the living years. If you haven't told your dad, I invite you to do so while you can.

Hope you had a wonderful father's day and that you'll have another one again tomorrow!

Brother Warner

Right before our canoe ride. It was
only about 59 degrees and rainy!

We left around 4:30 Friday afternoon. Five young scouts (two of them my sons Helaman and Luke), three adults, one vehicle. We jammed everything in our Suburban, tents, cooking gear, sleeping bags, and everything that we needed to have a wonderful time. The forecast: high of 59 and rain! We were scheduled to canoe the next morning. But we didn't care...we were going and were determined to have fun. And fun we had!!!

The experience reminded of another scouting trip many years ago. This time I was one of the young men. I don't remember all the leaders but I remember Brother Warner. He was cool! Not because he wore stylish clothes (far from it), or because he had the athleticism of most young men (he didn't), or because he drove a nice car (an old truck). He was cool because he made me feel special. It's hard to describe, but I wanted to be like him. He had two sons. They were obedient, respectful, and so much fun. I think they were like that because they had a wonderful father. And I admired that. Even as a young man, I felt an admiration for this man because he demonstrated the qualities of the kind of person I wanted to be.

I thought about it because I also admire the two men that were with me with these boys. It is such a blessing to have wonderful men serving my sons and the other boys in our ward. And I hope my sons look up to these men. I hope they see in them the qualities they will want to develop as adults, as dads some day. I feel very fortunate that my sons have these opportunities to interact with such special leaders who can be father role models the way brother Warner was to me.

All men can play a significant role in a young man's life. We don't have to be their biological dad. But we can all demonstrate the qualities that they might want to emulate some day.

On the way back at a Taco Bell stop

That's why I want my sons to go on these outings...that's why I like to go. Yes we had fun. Breakfast was smoky and a bit greasy but very tasty. Yes we got wet in the freezing water. Yes we had a blast laughing around the campfire telling stories. But more than all of that. It is the relationship between men and boys that I hope we all remember to help us be better men (young and old). Whether we are fathers or not, we can all be father role models the way brother Warner was to me.

I'd love to hear from you.

• Who was someone who touched your life as a youth? 
• What did they do that inspired you and helped you?
• How were they 'father' role models?

Father Profiles: Meet my friend Eric!

Eric is a father of two young girls and is married to Irina. Eric served a mission in Honduras and has served in several callings in the church including Counselor in the YM's Presidency, Temple worker, Primary teacher and home teacher. He is currently serving as EQ President. Eric recently graduated from Wayne State University Law School and will be working as an energyl lawyer for Miller Canfield in Lansing, MI. Prior to law school, Eric worked as a landscape contractor. 

MF: You just finished law school. You went from having a stable career and reinvented yourself. What have you learned about yourself as a father and how has that changed your outlook as a father?

Eric: First thing I have to say is that I couldn’t have done it without Irina. Law school in itself is a challenging experience and then you add kids and other responsibilities, it’s pretty overwhelming! If it wasn’t for Irina’s support and her dedication I couldn’t have done it. It is also very helpful that when we decided to go to law school it was a very prayerful decision so we knew that that was we were supposed to do no matter how hard it got. 

I had to learn how to make time for my kids and my wife to continue the relationship at the level we wanted, so we’ve had to learn new things. I think too that when you go through something very difficult, we grow closer together as a family. It’s made us realize that even if things aren’t great, it’s great to have a family and that we’re doing the right things.

MF: Most children don’t have the experience Morgen has had to have his dad be a student like she is. What was it like to be a student parent and come home from school like Morgen?

Eric: They would always ask what kind of projects I did at school what I had for lunch! They would always send stickers and suckers for my teachers! It is a good way to teach them the value of education. They’ve seen the sacrifices, so they know education is valuable and that you work hard and things work out.

MF: As a father of young children, what are the most significant challenges you see in the future?
Eric: I [look at] the challenges I had when I was a kid and looking at what teenagers face now in terms of what is acceptable in the media and mainstream society. Much has changed in the last 15 years, how much more is going to change in the next 10 years, as my children become teenagers? What kind of world my children are going to face? It’s going to be a more liberal society and I think about how do I teach my children to stay in the straight and narrow? How do we counteract [that] with the little bit of time that we have with them? Because as they grow and spend more and more time with their friends and at school, how do the few minutes and hours a week that as a father we have with them, how and what do we teach them? I think that’s the biggest challenge.

I see that the more consistent we are with the basics, the more confident the kids seem in standing up in making the right choices. So the focus is trying to do those basic gospel principles that we’re taught so the kids will have the tools to lean back on as they face the challenges of today.

MF: What are some traditions, rituals, daily activities that help you do those basic
things?
Eric: One thing we found works well is reading the scriptures during dinner. We read a couple of pages and we always ask questions and even though they are eating, they listen so they can answer the questions and they are picking up the principles.

We also do father’s interviews the first Sunday of every month and it’s something the girls look forward to every month. It’s a little thing, but it’s a time to talk about what they worry and are thinking about,

MF: What are some traditions that you have tried to institute to foster the relationship between you and your children?
Eric: Morgen likes to wake up early so we eat breakfast together. Then I get to walk her to school and then every night I try to put the kids to bed. Because they sleep in separate rooms, I have a few minutes to talk with [each] and see how their day went and be goofy with them.

MF: What are some of the role models you’ve had as a father?
Eric: I look up to my dad for many things, one of the most beneficial things that he taught us was to work hard. I’m very grateful that he taught us how to work and expected us to work. His example of a work ethic has helped me in my professional pursuits to stick with things to get them accomplished.

I’ve also look to other men in the church who have influenced me. For example, the idea of father’s interviews came from Bishop Hawes and Steve Kesler. So I pull different ideas from different dads, those who are doing the right things and learn from their example.

MF: Say something about a significant person, event, milestone, or turning point that has helped you to be the father that you are.
Eric: When Morgen was born, it was great. We were living high! Everything was great, we both had jobs, we were in good callings, Morgen was healthy and happy, and we were on cloud nine. Then when Karina was born, she was sick and we were confronted with her health challenges. That made things very very real, whereas before it was kind of surreal. So that was a turning point that made me realize that life was very precious and that we have to take advantage of the moments that we have and make the influence where we can because you never know and you can’t take things for granted.

MF: What is the best advice you have received as a father?
Eric: Just recently I met with a good friend and something that he said which was really insightful was that we should try to figure out what legacy you want to leave as a father, because you will leave a legacy whether you want to or not.

Along the same lines, he said to have a family mission statement, what do you want your family to stand for? For the same reason, so your kids, as they grow up they know what the family stands for, what’s allowed, what’s not allowed, what the norm is. So that when they are confronted with things that are not normal, they’ll know where to fall back on.

MF: As you look back at your six years as a father, what is the most enjoyable thing about being a father?
Eric: To be there to see when they learn something. To see that they are learning and growing and to know that we’ve had an impact on them. It’s the hands off stuff, what they do when we are not there, that’s the most exciting thing, to see them making decisions on their own.